A love that is ours

8. I can't let you leave

Hanni

I don't know what went through me but I ran down those stairs to try and reach Minji who by now had already walked out the door. I ignored Haerin's yell, at least if I manage to stop Minji from leaving, Haerin would thank me.

Once I was out the door, I frantically looked around to find Minji. I didn't understand why I cared, or why I was so scared of her leaving again. It should mean nothing to me, but my own heart hurts knowing that I might never see her again.

And thank god Minji was still walking down the sidewalk headed to the park we went to. And with a stream of curses, I ran to her. "Minji!" I watched as Minji's body froze and she slowly turned around, by the time I reached her I could finally see her face. I could feel my heart cracking as her eyes were puffy red.

"Don't leave." Those words slipped through my lips without consent, but why did my voice break? Minji looked at me and gave me a small smile. She took a step closer to me and looked down at me with soft eyes. "I have to, I can't stay here. It'll only be conflict if I do." She said, I shook my head at her, I closed my eyes as I spoke, an almost foreign emotion coursed through me.

"I can't let you leave." I said as I opened my eyes again. And there she was, the woman I once loved with my whole heart, who I know force myself to feel nothing for. Her eyes saddened and I already knew what she was going to say. "Hanni, I love you still, do you get that?" She asked and I felt my whole world spin. She said it, sober and right before me.

"But why does it matter? Why can't you stay here, at least do it for Haerin." I said and Minji looked away. "Haerin doesn't understand it, Hanni. I can't force myself to stop loving you, and that's what she wants from me. I can't give her that, and as long as I can't, I have to be away." She explained and I didn't comprehend why my eyes were tearing up.

"I feel conflicted within myself. And maybe I just need more time alone to figure myself out too. To get a hold of myself once more." She said. I could only keep looking at her as her eyes teared up but that same old loving smile appeared on her face. "You're too pretty to cry." Oh? I didn't even realize I was crying.

"You can't just leave, Minji. Think of the damage you'd cause." I said and she looked down. "I know that I'm hurting her. But I will be hurting her a lot less like this. I don't want her to go through those horrible nights with me again." I looked up at her confused. "I lost myself completely, Hanni. Haerin had to wake up so late at night to let me back in to our home as I was too drunk to even do it myself. I would wake up in the streets and what not at some points. Haerin had to go pick me up and bring me back home with tears in her eyes as she held herself back from breaking down in front of me. I picked up bad habits and I joined some random fighting club to just take out my anger, and I would pretty much be beaten to the point of not recognizing me. She never said anything but I was breaking her apart. And that's why I decided to leave. Especially when..." she suddenly stopped and looked at me, contemplating if she should tell me or not. With a shaky sigh, she spoke.

"I almost died of an overdose not so long after you left." And I felt my world crumbling around me. It explains why Minji's physical appearance changed so much. And it also explains why Danielle had been calling me in late October of that year but I never responded to her calls. She could've died and Iwouldn't  have ever known.

"I pretty much had to leap a year of college, as I was stuck in a fourth month coma. And when I woke up, Haerin was too broken apart for me to ever fix. So I ran away, I fled to a place where I would be alone. Trust me, I know I tore her heart apart but it was for the best. I was destroying her." And now I understood why Haerin hated my guts. She had went through so much with Minji. And just for Minji to leave her all alone one day. Haerin didn't even know if she was alive or not.

"Don't do that to her again, you just came back. Let her have some time with you. She missed you and went through hell because you left her." I said and Minji could only scratch the back of her neck. I took another step closer and closed my eyes as I leaned my head on her broad chest. It was an action that even caught me off guard but it felt so familiar that I couldn't hold back anymore. I wrapped my arms around her as I took in her scent.

"I don't want you to leave." I said.

Minji stood frozen as her heartbeat was racing. I let out a smile at that. She slowly wrapped her arms around me. "I need to." Was all she said as she broke down in my arms. My own heart raced when Minji lowered down and hid her face on the crook of my neck as she cried. "Would you stay for me?" I asked. It was a risky question, what would that mean for me?
That I want to try and fix things with Minji? But in what manner?

"You'll leave again, and it will all come back for a second round. I don't think I'm that strong enough to be able to handle your leaving again." She said as she pulled away from. Her arms still wrapped around my waist. An action so intimate that I shouldn't be allowing, but my body felt so content on having her touch on me once more. The type of content I never felt with Heesung.

Talking about him, I still feel conflicted with everything I heard about him. But it doesn't change the fact that I do love him. It just changed some aspects of him. But that's a topic for another day.

"I won't leave." Wait what? When did I ever plan that? Minji looked at me with doubting eyes and before I could shut my mouth, I spoke. "I promise, I won't." Her eyes only softened a lot more as she leaned in and pressed her forehead against mine. "Okay, I'll stay. Now, just promise me we can try to be friends again, it's all I'm asking of you, Hanni." Now that was a promise I could never want to keep but my hand had reached out to cup her cheek. She leaned in to my touch and it unlocked so many memories of her.

"I promise, as long as you promise to not flee again." I said and she smiled, her smile was brighter than the sun. "I promise." She said and I only nodded at her. She let go of me after a minute or so. "Sorry, I got carried away." She said, her arms quickly falling to her side and my hand retracting itself from her soft and squishy cheek. Even though I was starting to enjoy her warmth.

"It's okay." I said even though it wasn't due to the fact that I am in fact married with Heesung and if he were to ever see us like that he would go mad. But a part of me wanted her to hold me a little longer. Not caring if anyone saw.

I wanted her to embrace me in the way she only could.

-

-

-

VOTE AND COMMENT, PLEASE AND THANK YOU!