A love that is ours

15. Friends?

Hanni

One month...

Two months...

Three months...

Four months...

And I still haven't heard anything from Heesung, not a single text. Was this what Minji felt? Is this karma? And this makes me realize just how much I hurt her. And I condone myself for causing such pain to someone.

In these few months, things started to get better. Me and Danielle are back in good terms now, me and Haerin are still working out on where we stand but it's better than it ever had been, and then there's Minji.

And I don't even know if we're friends or just two people that stay in the same house.

There's still a big gap of distance between us but it's been better. I changed my persona towards her, I try to be as nice as I can to her because she's never done anything to hurt me.

Unlike Heesung, who's completely torn me apart. He's torn me apart with the truths Minji has told me and his no contact with me. At times I start to think that my marriage is completely done for. I'm not even sure when it was that we broke out.

"You okay?" I was snapped out of my thoughts by Minji who took a seat next to me on the couch. The series I was watching completely forgotten. "Yeah, I was just thinking." I said, Minji gave me a knowing look and I let out a sigh. 

"You were right, my marriage with him was bound to fall apart. I just didn't think it'd be like this." I said, playing with the ring that once made me the happiest woman alive. What went so wrong?

"You know, it's not your fault, Hanni. At least not fully, I'm not trying to make you feel worse or anything but this isn't fault of just one person, it's both." She said and I turned to look at her.

Was this the moment where my heart was broken? And that she'll be here for me when it happened?

"Your love for him was genuine, so it's going to hurt. And there's nothing that I can say that would make any of this better. But I'm here for you." She said, giving me a comforting smile.

I haven't felt this type of comfort in so long.

"I always thought that our love was the key of keeping us together, you know? Even before we came to the reunion, our marriage was at its last string." I said, there was no point of hiding it anymore.

I kept it to myself and look what I did, I hurt someone. I let my anger out on her for no reason.

I looked at Minji again and I wanted to cry. She felt so far away from me emotionally but she was so close to me physically. I could reach for her, but my soul couldn't. And I hate knowing that I did this to myself.

She's so far but so close to me.

"What do you plan on doing?" She asked, despite everything she looks out for me the most. "I don't know, what will happen once he comes back? I feel like I need to talk to him." I said and Minji shook her head. "Hanni, no. Do everything but talk to him. He's a man that doesn't negotiate, he'll make sure that ring stays on your finger." She said and I turned away from her.

Years back, knowing that he would never let me take off the ring would've made me smile and blush but now, it makes me feel sick to the pit of my stomach.

I don't even know how I'll react once I see him, a part of me still doesn't want to believe who Heesung really is. Is he the monster that they all make him seem?

"Or maybe do, I don't really know what it is that you guys did when you two had arguments. And if he's a man that reasons, then I guess it's fine for you to talk to him." She said, I looked down at my hands, she's so good to me, even after it all.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked and caught a glimpse of Minji nodding. "How did you manage to be alone this whole time? You're very...good looking." I asked and Minji let out a snort. "I belong to one woman, Hanni. And that's been my motto." She said and I inhaled a sharp breath.

"You feel so far away from me, and I know it's my fault but I just never thought it would make me feel so..alone." I said as I turned to look at her. Minji's eyes had that familiar sparkle as they looked at me.

"I'm right here, Hanni." And I don't know why, but what she said definitely had a double meaning. A meaning that I wasn't ready to dive in to, despite what my heart has been feeling lately.

My heart betrays me every time Minji's around me. My heart craves for her, craves for her love. After these few months, Minji's been there for me, she looks after me and definitely has been treating me in a way that makes my heart want to burst.

And there's no denying that something is stirring inside me.

"No, that's not what I mean. You're here, physically. But not emotionally." I said and she let out a sigh, a sad sigh.

"I don't want to put my emotions in all of this, Hanni. I have empathy and I can relate to what you're telling me, but I just can't touch that emotional barrier with you. I'm sorry." Why was I being like this? What do I want? What is it that I truly wanted from Minji?

"I understand, after all, I did push you away that much. And I'm sorry about that, I really am." I said, Minji was about to say something but interrupted her.

"I never got the chance to apologize to you for everything I said before. You didn't deserve it, I was just unleashing on you without purpose." I apologized and Minji let out a chuckle. "I forgave you about that a long time ago, Hanni. I guess it was also my fault for pressuring you to answer my questions. So I'm at fault there too." I looked at Minji with disbelief.

She still tries to make sure that there's no guilt for me to feel, that I've done absolutely nothing wrong to her or others. But I know the truth, I've hurt her so much.

"Where do we stand, Minji? What even are we? Are we just two people that have learned to interact with each other?" I asked and Minji looked down. "I don't mean to make you feel that way, I'm just trying to put a respectful amount of distance between us, I don't want you to think I'm overstepping any set of boundaries." And once again, I did this to myself.

"But, at times I like to believe that we're giving friendship a try." She said and I could only stare at her. I don't deserve her, not even as friends.

I probably never did deserve her, not even when I was able to call her mine.

Any woman would be so lucky to call Minji their girlfriend, she's clearly the best. But it's clear she's not giving love another try. I was lucky once, I just didn't acknowledge it.

"What if we do try it out?" I asked and Minji looked at me surprised. "It's the least I could give you after everything." I said and Minji still didn't say anything, her mouth still hung agape.

I let out a slight chuckle as I extended my hand out. Minji looked at my hand questioningly. And maybe for once, I may be doing the right thing, so with a deep sigh I spoke.

"Friends?"

Minji didn't even stop to think about it and put her hand against mine, shaking it in agreement. But why was there an electric shock coursing through me? Why was my heart beating so fast?

What was Minji doing to me?

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