A love that is ours

9. Friends with a past

Hanni

I wish I could physically be able to grab myself and throw myself out a window or something. What was I thinking with agreeing on going out to lunch with Minji? For fucks sake, I should be keeping this woman away from me but I can't seem to keep myself away from her.

I just feel so alone here. Heesung isn't here and he won't be for another five months. So I'm pretty much stuck here with her. Not that I'm really complaining, she's kept me company for the past two weeks. Regardless of how much of a bitch I am to her at times.

And Haerin definitely toned it down with the name calling and her anger. We're at okay terms right now. Seeing Minji doing a lot better with me here, helps Haerin keep calm and tolerate me a little more.

"We're only going to this as friends, Hanni." Minji said as she opened the restaurants door for me. I let out a sigh as I walked past her and entered the restaurant that brought me back memories that I've tried so hard to lock in the depth of my mind and heart. "Couldn't you pick somewhere else?" I asked her harshly.

Minji sighed and guided me to where we would be sitting. "It's the closest place to home, plus, why not? We were friends before anything. And we used to come here." She said. Sometimes I have the feeling that Minji is bringing me back to these places to get me to love her again. It's such a pitiful thing coming from her.

It's not going to work, it never will.

"How many times will we talk about this, Minji. I'm married." I said, raising my hand and showing her the ring on my finger. "You're the one who keeps reminding me about it every second of the day. Do you not trust me, Hanni?" And her question tugged at a heartstring of my heart.

"I'm just trying to get my friend back, what is so wrong with that?" She asked and I shook my head at her. "We're friends with a past. It'll never work." I said, and once again a hang out with Minji was ruined again. Which only leads me to believe that I was right. It can't work.

"It doesn't work if you don't let it." She said. Looking at me with her big brown eyes. I shook my head at her. "It never will, even if I did let it." I said. She only gave me a glance later looking away. "Let's just eat, I'm pretty sure you're hangry right now." She said with a small smile. She always tried to excuse my bad way of speaking to her. 

After some time one of the waitresses came to attend us. "What may I get you guys to drink?" She asked as she looked at Minji. "I'll take a coke." She said, giving the woman a kind smile, the girl nodded and I could notice the flaunt blush tainting her agonizingly white cheeks. Really? Right in front of me?

"I'll take a coke too." I said and the girl nodded at me, giving Minji a slight glance before walking away. "I'm surprised you haven't chosen multiple girls that are in the 'waiting for Minji to notice me' line yet." I said and she let out a scoff. "I'm not a player, Hanni. Plus, I'd want something serious." She said as she looked at me, why were her eyes calling for me?

"What did you do while you were away?" I asked, changing the topic. Minji's eyes snapped away from my own as she looked taken back by me asking. "Nothing much, kind of just lived. Went abroad." And my ears perked up at what she said bluntly. She went abroad? "Where?" I asked. "To a school not so far away from yours." And my jaw dropped and I could feel my heart stopping.

"But, why? Your scholarship was here, for one of the biggest universities here." I said and she looked at me. " I requested for another scholarship not so long after you left. And I was qualified for it, so on the year after my little incident, I went abroad to study there." And something told me she knew about me and Heesung since then. She was so close to me, and how didn't I notice?

"I had some stuff to do here so I came back a couple of months before the reunion, so yeah, that was my life." She said and I could only look at her as she looked away from me.

"Did you try looking for me?" I asked and her head snapped to look at me. "What do you think?" She asked and I felt a squeeze on my heart at the obvious answer. "And did you find me?" I asked and Minji looked down as she gave me a simple nod and I felt the air being knocked out of my lungs.

"I mean, I don't know why I was so surprised that you were married when Heesung called you his wife. Maybe it was because I dreaded to be the one to call you my wife? I don't know. But I caught you two kissing the day I decided to have a bit more courage and go up to you." She said and I could only stare at her as this bitter smile was across her face as she looked at me.

"I didn't know, Minji." I said and she let out a snicker as she shook her head at me. "You ignored me for countless of months when I reached out to you, of course you wouldn't know." She said and I was taken back by her tone. A part of me knew she was holding a bunch of things against me but didn't dare to speak upon them.

A part of me feared of her letting them out.

And then the waitress came back and started to take our orders. Minji showing clear disinterest of the waitress that kept trying to throw little hints at her over and over again. The poor girl gave up after a while, noticing that Minji wasn't paying her any attention. I felt bad, she can't be like that to other people! She can't be mad at the world.

"I'll be back with your food shortly." The girl said completely defeated. I watched as she walked away later snapping my head at Minji who still had the audacity to look at me confused. "Why were you like that with her? You could've been nicer." I said and she let out a sigh. "I didn't want her to get her hopes up for nothing." And I furrowed my eyebrows at her.

She was acting like a little kid, she had no right to completely pop everyone else's bubble just because she isn't happy. That was so cold of her to do. I want to understand her but just can't. I know she's hurt or whatever it is, but that shouldn't lead her to potentially hurt someone else that might or might not be her soulmate.

"When did you become so cruel?" I asked her completely annoyed, she was acting nonchalant and it was slightly pissing me off. Was it because I felt bad for the girl? Or was it because it reminded me of my husband?

Reminding me the way that he wasn't there for me anymore and that my marriage was slowly deteriorating and I was scared that my marriage was done for?

Or maybe it was because I hated knowing she was acting like this because of me? That I caused the loving person that she once was to vanish completely?

Her eyes looked at me with no sudden emotion and I felt my heart stopping when she spoke, my heart suffocating inside my chest.

"The moment you walked away from me and married another man when you had promised me forever." She said with a broken voice.

And I felt my blood run cold at her words.

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