A love that is ours

14. With honesty

Hanni

I was supposed to be out of the house by today in the morning. But under Minji's order. I was allowed to stay in the house again. I was surprised that Haerin wasn't going against it. And I hated feeling so out of place here. Danielle won't even look at me, when will she? The moment I decide to get back with Minji?

And talking about Minji, what she had said last night kept me up. To ask him what? Was he jeopardizing our marriage? I was confused, she sounded so determined that she would look out for me and be there when my heart breaks.

What was she talking about? And why was she so sure that my heart would be broken? Heesung would never, he promised to never hurt me.

I was about to go to the bathroom when I heard a knock at my door. "Hanni, it's me." Minji? I looked over at the clock in the room, why was she up so early? No one wakes up until in two hours.

After last night, I realized that I don't have to be so mean to her. And Minji left it pretty clear that her love for me wasn't the drive she had on being in my life again.

And I don't know if that was supposed to be a relief or not.

I still couldn't comprehend what she meant that I was the reason she kept coming back. And maybe she was right or maybe she wasn't, I don't know.

I let out a sigh as I headed to the door. Which caution to not make much noise I opened it. And there stood Minji, looking at me with soft eyes.

I hesitated but I moved over so that she could come in. After all, she means no harm, she never has. I was the one who was so paranoid about having her back in my life. What was I even scared for anyway?

"Are you okay? Danielle shouldn't have kicked you out, not because of me. So I'm truly sorry that I put you in some odd situation with her." She said and I started to feel bad.

Maybe I was also so angry because everyone seemed to care more about her, but who wouldn't? Minji wouldn't hurt a fly, and it's not fair to hurt her either.

"I'm fine. And it's okay, a part of me believes I deserved it." I said and Minji shook her head at me. "Danielle, she...she's just worried how all of this will end. She really cares about you, she doesn't want to see you be hurt." I took a deep breath as she spoke.

"See me hurt? I don't understand that, Minji. Heesung will never hurt me." And it was as if something snapped inside her as her eyes threw me a glare.

"He won't? Hanni, you don't know him. You weren't there when everything fell apart between me and him. You only know the side of him he lets you see." She said and furrowed my eyebrows at her.

"So tell me." I said and she shook her head at me as she took a couple of steps towards me, stopping at just a step away.

"I can't, it's not my business to, Hanni. As I said last night, you won't believe me." I let out a sigh, she wasn't going to tell me, she's making me do the work to find out.

"Minji..." I don't know where I was going with this. But Minji deserves at least a bit of my honesty.

"Do you remember when you asked me last night on why I kept denying you?" Minji looked at me confused at first but then nodded. Her brown eyes looking at me with curiosity, waiting for me to answer her question. 

"With honesty, when I saw you for the first time in the reunion, I could feel my heart calling out for you. My soul was trying to reach for you. But I'm married Minji, the feeling was splitting my heart in two, and maybe you're right, I am trying to convince myself, but you have to understand why, Minji." She only looked at me with soft eyes, eyes that showed me she understood.

"You're working so hard to maintain a marriage that is bound to fall apart sooner or later." She said, her eyes were sad now, but what did she mean? Bound to fall apart? "He doesn't deserve you, and I'm not saying that I do. But you're too good for him, I hope you realize that when it's not too late." She said, taking a step back from me.

"You deserve true love, not a love that's a disguise to a disgusting obsession." She said, and I felt my heart drop. "He'll never let you go, even if you try to run away, and a part of me fears that. I want to save you, but I'm scared that I won't be able to." She said, looking away from me.

"What do you mean?" I asked, I gave her some of my honesty, so I'm hoping she gives me some back too. "He took you away from me, and he's never going to let you come back to me. He'd kill you before ever letting you do that." Her words were growing a fear inside of me.

The amount of honesty she was giving me made all of this true. Did I not know the man I married at all? Did I let myself be fooled by my own fear of still being in love with her?

"I may love you, Hanni. But I won't risk your life for my own selfishness. Sometimes I just wish you would've stayed, was it too hard to do?" And her question repeated inside my head.

She stood in front of me again, only a couple of inches away, I could smell her familiar scent and I could feel my heart thumping inside my chest. Don't do this to me, please! My heart, I beg you.

"I lost you completely the moment you walked away from me, and since then I knew I could never have you back. The only thing I was able to keep were our moments together. And I damned my own heart for keeping them." Her voice sounded so broken, I wanted to comfort her but I didn't know if I should or shouldn't.

I don't even know why I feel so soft around her right now. Maybe it was the way she looked at me? The same way she did all those years ago, as if I had built the universe and life itself.

"Minji, I'm sorry." It was all I could say and she gave me a small smile. "Maybe we're meant to be together, but maybe just not in this life." And when she said that, a white flash of memories ran through my mind.

And in all of them, there was her.

Could I have made the biggest mistake of my life for choosing Heesung? Was his obsession true? Is this where my life starts to fall apart?

"Don't worry so much, Hanni. If you allow me, I'll help you get away from him, but that's until you know the truth." She said, her hand falling on my shoulder and giving it a slight squeeze.

"You love him now, and nothing I say or do will change that. And maybe you'll try to justify his actions. But that's up to you." And with that she stepped away from me completely.

A distant look in her eyes as she headed to my door and opened, stopping to look back at me. "I hope you know that I never wished bad upon you. You tore me apart but I forgave you. And all I'm asking from you is a bit of your kindness for the sake of what we once had. I'm not a stranger, and much less am I someone that'll hurt you." And with that she stepped out and closed the door softly.

Leaving me there with a busy mind.

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