jeff, sometimes i am overwhelmed
the world seems too much
and i am swallowed by a filthy mouth
tearing my soul with its teeth
writing my assaulter's name on my wrists
calling me a slut
(i write so i don't cut)
shaking me up
like a grey fish
waiting icy
for the fire to burn me
but nothing comes
and i keep being killed
day after day
haunted by memories
my dad when i was 2
my favorite song at the radio
AND HIS HANDS HIS MESSAGES HIS LOVE HATE ALWAYS
your voice
beauty and grace
grace
please let me keep grace
AND HIS WORDS SWALLOWING MINE AND COVERING YOURS
HIS WORDS HIS DESTROYING WORDS HIS CUTTING MOUTH
HIS LOVE HATE HIS MESSAGES
and your i love you
BUT HIS HEARTS AND HIS FUCKING NICKNAMES
and your sweetheart the drunk
BUT HIS SLUT HIS SLUT ALWAYS HIS SLUT
HIS
WHY NEVER MINE
WHY AM I NEVER BELONGING TO MYSELF
your gentle voice
BUT THE TERROR
the great days
BUT THE MILLIONS OF FILTHY
i don't even know what's a good day anymore
if i didn't die it must be worth it
i won't beg for anything less than heaven
for arms that aren't yours
i want to stay with you, jeff
with you
with you
with you
always
