The Fake Fan | Nom |

Chapter Nineteen ➳ Nathan

He's so cute I cri

Nineteen:

➳

Nathan;

Typically, I would have been at work today but I'm not. Typically I would have been messaging Tom non-stop but I'm not. I'm not doing anything to be honest, I didn't want to do anything-- I couldn't do anything.

My relationship with my mother was deteriorating. Usually, me and her would put aside our differences for Jess' sake, we would act civil and I would try and be the good son my mother had wanted me to be. For some reason, this past week everything went downhill. My mum would straight out ignore, the only time she spoke to me was when she wanted me to do some housework and I had hardly heard from Tom lately.

I had put it down to him being busy but me and Jay had been messaging each other recently so he couldn't be that busy if one of his band mates had the time to ask how I am every once in a while. Me and Jay had actually come quite good friends, this made me happy. I felt accepted; someone other than Tom liked me. Speaking of Jay, he had messaged me a little while ago and I had yet to respond. To be honest, I was too lazy to stretch over a little bit to get my phone. I just didn't feel like doing anything today.

It was almost as if I had been drained from all of my energy and emotions, I felt empty; hollow. Maybe the reason why I felt this way was because the people I loved the most were ignoring me. Tom and my mother.

At least Jess still loved me.

I hoped.

Sighing, I sat up and patted the bed for my phone. Once I had finally located its whereabouts I unlocked the device and opened up the Imessage app. I clicked on Jay's name and read his text that he had sent nearly half an hour ago and here I was just about to respond.

From: Jay

Hey, are you okay? You seem upset about something, want to talk about it?

To: Jay

Hey.

I'm just feeling really down, i'll be okay though. I have my dog to keep me company. Thank you for caring.

I didn't mean to sound to cold about it, but I was seriously grateful for Jay for caring about me. It made me happy that at least someone could have the decency and make the effort to ask about me. It really didn't take a lot.

I began to wonder if I had come across to sarcastic--this was definitely not my intention-- if I had come across too this, too that or not enough of this, not enough of that. However, my anxiety was soon put to bed as Jay had messaged back, seemingly oblivious to how I came across in my last text.

I wasn't sure if he noticed or not but either way I was glad he didn't comment on it.

From: Jay

It's Tom isn't it? Listen, despite him being my bandmate and the fact I love him to bits, I will knock some sense into him if you like? lol. But seriously, don't let it bother you, he isn't good with expressing emotion but he's had a lot on his mind lately.

He will come round lately but I can tell he likes you so much. It's sickening, honestly.

I laughed.

I actually laughed.

This was the first time I had shown any emotion today except impassiveness and complete depression. This was the first time I felt happy. I didn't feel so hollow anymore.

To: Jay

Thanks, Jay.

And I really meant it.

* * *

It was the following day and I was feeling a bit better, a bit chirpier, a bit heavier. My mum was out at work all day today, Jess was at a friend's house and it was a Sunday and this was the only day that I didn't work.

This meant that I had the house and the day to myself. The first thing I did was load up my computer, I was planning on going on netflix and binge watch a certain lesbian prison tv show. I had only watched the first few episodes of the brand new season and I was excited to finish it.

However, my happiness was cut short when I opened Google Chrome and my most visited websites came up. Of course Netflix was there but right next to it was a certain blue website that I had forgotten about.

It was tumblr.

My mood had deflated once again, all in a matter of seconds. I had pushed the memories of what I used to do so far away that I could pretend that they never happened and I continued to live life happily - well, as happy one could with secrets.

The sound of my phone vibrating on my bedside cupboard was what drew me out of my thoughts. Assuming that it would have been Jay texting me with another crude joke of his, I delayed picking up my fine because, oh god, how many dirty jokes could you tell in one day. To me, it seemed like Jay's head was just filled with crude jokes and nothing else.

I grabbed my phone, ready for another joke that would make me want to bathe in holy water, I noticed that it wasn't in fact Jay, it was Tom.

I was shocked.

Especially the three words that he sent me. I didn't expect this at all, when Jay said he wasn't good at expressing emotions and I believed him but with the text Tom had just sent me just contradicted Jay's words.

Opening up the green app a smile creeped up onto my face and my stomach felt all funny.

From: Tom

I miss you.

X

I am back!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey, hello, sorry for having to put this on hold I was just feeling so uninspired but I am back and everything should be fine now :)

Who got codes to watch SSS? I got a code and I am so so so happy, just under three hours to go!!!

The mtyek acoustic is so fucking good i am in love.

If you haven't noticed by now I just all round love Nathan Sykes.

Yeah I am rambling.

I hope that you're all okay and my american readers enjoyed July Fourth yesterday.

- Talia xx