Chilli: hello and welcome to the lunchtime show. Today's guest is... Jesussssss!
Jesus: *enters*
Audience: *cheers*
Jesus: *sits on chair beside Chilli.* hey, thanks for having me.
Chilli: no prob JC. Now, we've been sent some questions for you to answer.
Jesus: cool, fire away.
Chilli: first question, why do you hate gay people?
Jesus: what? When did I say that?
Chilli: the main thing people say is the quote from your book that says 'man shall not lay with man.'
Jesus: I never wrote that.
Audience: *gasp.*
Jesus: I said 'man shall not lay with boy'. I've got no problem with LGBTQIA+ people, but I do have a problem with pedophiles.
Audience: *cheers.*
Chilli: ok, next question, do you blame Eve for the downfall of Eden?
Jesus: absolutely not. She was hungry and got offered food. Women eat and they're ridiculed, men start wars and they're seen as superior.
Chilli: next question, do you have a problem with people who do drag?
Jesus: no. People can express themselves however they want as long as no one's getting hurt.
Chilli: I'll drink some communion wine to that. next question, do you support abortion?
Jesus: of course. If my fans prioritise an unborn blob over a grown woman's rights to make decisions about her own body, then I no longer count them as my fans.
Audience: *CHEEEEEERS.*
Chilli: next question, how many genders are there?
Jesus: there are three sexes that I know of, and gender is a construct.
Audience: *CHEEEEEEERS.*
Chilli: next question, do you think there's anything wrong with men having long hair or wearing dresses and other traditionally feminine clothing?
Jesus: I literally have long hair and am constantly portrayed wearing a dress, and I'm pretty happy with myself, sooooo.
Chilli: ah-ah, you hit some sin of pride going on there buddy.
Jesus: I still don't get why folks think it's wrong to take pride in your achievements.
Chilli: ditto dude. next question, do you consider Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss as anti-religion?
Jesus: no. Creators can portray heaven and hell however they want. It's a fictional show, so why should a big deal be made about it?
Audience (especially Hazbin and Helluva fans): *CHEEEEEEEEEEEERS.*
Chilli: final question, are you white?
Jesus: I'm middle eastern and dark skinned, literally how could I be white?
