My LGBTQIAP+ journey (I don't know what to call it, lmao)
*Young (I think around five or six)*
Me: mum, what if boys want to marry boys and girls want to marry girls?
Mum: oh, they can
Me: cool
I understand now that she meant that where we lived they could get married.
*A bit older. I think seven*
Me: I have a boyfriend
My now ex boyfriend: hi
Me: we have kissed twice
I didn't really question my sexuality much when i was younger, mainly because i didn't know much about the LGBTQIAP+ community, I sorta just knew gay people exist and straight people exist.
*I think nine? Idk, I'm sorry.*
Me: Hm... there's this thing called asexual. Maybe I'm asexual?
I read some Wattpad books on asexuality, and it interested me. I sorta just knew the basic stuff at the time. Basically just 'Asexual = dont want sex' I didn't know it was a spectrum
*Eleven I'm pretty fucking sure*
Me: Oh, this female character is really pretty
Some bitch: Please don't be gay *my name*
Me: um???
This was one of my first taste of someone being blatantly homophobic.
*twelve, start of the year*
Me: Ok, I think I'm bisexual, but can I really be bisexual if I've only really been into women on TV?
I still sometimes think about this. Like, I'll go 'Oh, I think I'm bisexual. Wait, but have i ever had a crush on a girl in real life..?' And now that i actually think i do, my mind goes 'but do you?'
*Twelve, a little bit later in the year*
Two of my best friends: Hello. We're both transgender from female to male
Me: I understand and respect this, but don't identify with it
I'm a cis girl, and haven't really questioned it at all at the time of writing this
*Twelve, around the same time*
One of the friends I mentioned: I'm pansexual, but I call myself gay as an umbrella term
Me: Huh. Maybe i could do that until I know my sexuality for sure?
I will sometimes say 'haha. I'm so gay.' or stuff like that, even though I think I'd be more likely to be bisexual
*Twelve, around halfway through the year*
One of my enemies: *Says the F slur*
Me: Well, snitches get bitches, and I'm very lonely.
two of my friends: yeah
Me and two of my friends told on some assholes for saying slurs and the N word. I do not tolerate homophobia, and I never will.
*Twelve, around term three*
Someone on the internet: Asexual people can still make sexual jokes!
Me: *starts thinking maybe I'm asexual again* shit, not again...
Asexual people can make sexual jokes, have sexual preferences, have kinks, have sex. Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction. basically, you don't look at someone and wanna fuck them.
*Twelve around the end of the year*
Me: We need more representation of the LGBTQIAP+ community in the media, especially lesser know sexualities and gender identities.
Little brother: Why do you wanna make everyone-
Me: HUSH.
I don't think I remember the last time I heard someone straight up say 'I'm bisexual' on TV.
Usually it's like... 'I'm dating someone of the same gender' oh, you're gay then. 'Now I'm dating someone of the opposite gender' Oh, so you're straight. 'Now I'm dating someone of the same gender again' Ok, so you're back to gay.
It drives me insane.
*At my last therapy session of 2023*
Me: I don't really think about myself as a gender much. I just think of myself as a person.
My therapist: Oh, so do you think you might be non-binary?
Me: No, I'm 99% sure I'm female.
I am a cis girl, but you can use whatever pronouns on here. I don't care.
*Now*
I am a
Bisexual questioning
Asexual questioning
Cis
Girl
But I've still got a while to figure everything out.
