Big Bang Theory (Missy Cooper X Male Reader X Paige Swanson )

The Bat Jar Conjecture

The apartment. All of the guys except Y/N who was 'getting busy' with Leslie at her apartment. Howard is looking at his mobile phone as they ate their dinner.

Howard: Ooh, more details about the new Star Trek film. There's going to be a scene depicting Spock's birth.

Raj: I'd be more interested in a scene depicting Spock's conception.

Sheldon: Oh, please. For Vulcans, mating, or, if you will, Pon Farr, it's an extremely private matter.

Leonard: Still, I'd like to know the details. His mother was human, his father was Vulcan, they couldn't just conceive.

Howard: Maybe they had to go to a clinic. Imagine Spock's dad in a little room with a copy of pointy ears and shapely rears.

Raj: How come on Star Trek everybody's private parts are the same. No alien lady ever told Captain Kirk, hey, get your thing out of my nose.

Penny (entering): Hi, can you help me, I was writing an email and the A key got stuck. Now it's just going "aaaaaaa".

Leonard: What did you spill on it?

Penny: Nothing. Diet coke. And yoghurt. A little nail polish.

Leonard: I'll take a look at it.

Howard: Gentlemen, switching to local nerd news. Fishman, Chen, Chowdry, McNair, Wang aren't fielding a team in the university physics bowl this year.

Leonard: You're kidding, why not?

Howard: They formed a barbershop quintet, and got a gig playing Knotsbury Farm.

Penny: Wow, so in your world, you're like, the cool guys.

Howard: Recognise.

Leonard: This is our year! With those guys out, the entire physics bowl will kneel before Zod.

Penny: Zod?

Howard: Kryptonian villain. Long story.

Raj: Good story. (Clasps hands to mouth in shock.)

Sheldon: Well count me out.

Howard: What? Why?

Sheldon: You want me to use my intelligence in a tawdry competition? Would you ask Picasso to play Pictionary? Would you ask Noah Webster to play Boggle? Would you ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish?

Leonard: Come on, you need a five person team, we're four people and with Y/N we will be five.

Sheldon: Might I just say over the last week we haven't seen Y/N.

Howard: Because he's been having sex with his girlfriend.

Leonard: Come on Leonard, he would join us, if we asked and that way he have four.

Sheldon: By that reasoning we should also play bridge, hold up a chuppah and enter the Olympic bobsled competition.

Penny: I want tickets to that please.

Leonard: Sheldon, what, do I need to quote Spock's dying words to you.

Sheldon: No, don't.

Leonard: The needs of the many.

Howard: Outweigh the needs of the few.

Sheldon: Or the one. Dammit, I'll do it.

The cafeteria.

Leonard: First order of business. Y/N is out. When I told him the idea he said 'neat. Now I'm going to beat Sheldon arse together with Leslie'.

Raj: You think it's too late to jump ship?