Yaunfen (Book three to Attraction)

18.

When I make it out to Seth's car, I get inside and turn to face him. His eyes scan my face, I suddenly feel extremely self conscious about my bruises. Our eyes lock as it begins to pour rain, the sound of the drops hitting the windshield is the only sound in the car. His eyes flicker down to my lips, I nervously gulp. Here I go feeling like I have no control around Seth again, I'm not sure what is happening between us lately. Maybe he's interested in being friends with benefits? Honestly, I'm so desperate to be that close with him that at this point if he asked me I would say yes. Besides, Seth being my first time would work out kind of perfect. Oh Lord, I'm thinking about having sex with Seth right now. What is going on with me today? One minute I'm crying because I feel upset, embarrassed, and ugly and now I'm thinking about having sex with Seth. What a day.

He tangles his fingers in my hair as he begins hungrily kissing me. He is kissing me like he has been dying to kiss me again since he dropped me off yesterday. He is kissing me like he is dying of thirst and I am water, he is kissing me with passion. I cannot complain, I will not complain, this is amazing. I suddenly don't feel so ugly or upset, suddenly everything feels just right and perfect. When our lips part our breaths are uneven as we look at each other with expressions of longing and something else. Part of me wants to ask him if we could go back to his place and we can reenact the sexual acts we have been doing that I said we couldn't do. I'm single now, so technically it wouldn't be wrong anymore. I'm a free woman to do what I please now.

He clears his throat. "What should we do?"

Let's go back to your place and you can go down on me again, maybe we can do more. That's what I want to say. That's what the hormonal teenager in me wants to tell him right now. But I don't. Instead I try to confidently smile and I say, "What do you want to do?"

"Want to go back to my place and watch You?" He asks, I nod my head and smile at him.

I put my seatbelt on as he begins driving down the road now. I didn't even think about what if my parents saw us making out just now but it was raining too hard for them to see us. Not sure how my dad would react to me making out with Seth, maybe he would faint? Maybe my mom would faint? Who knows.

"So how did he take it?" Seth asks breaking the silence.

"Pretty hard. Not gonna lie, I felt really bad after doing it. I don't want to hurt people." I tell him truthfully.

"You did the right thing. Try not to feel bad, I know that's easier said than done. He's the one who should feel bad." Seth responds in a gentle voice.

He's right. I know he is right. We make it back to his apartment and begin watching You on the couch. We both keep glancing over at each other and then quickly looking away when we catch the other one. I wish he would just come over here and start kissing me again, we can really put a whole new meaning to that meme Netflix and Chill. Ugh, God, I hate this. It's too frustrating being turned on, I don't like it. Is this what lust feels like? If so I don't like it. Or maybe I do like it and it's just the itch that's needs to be scratched that I find annoying. I scoot closer to Seth, he miraculously scoots closer to me, I scoot closer to him, he moves closer to me.

I gulp when we both look over at each other at the same time, he doesn't waste a second to begin deeply kissing me again. Please just rip my clothes off of me now, I'm dying to be close to you in that way again. That's what I want to say. But I don't. Instead I just lay back against the couch as he hovers over me, his hand slides under my shirt as he grabs my right breast and massaging it. I begin moaning into the kiss when he does this, I have a burning desire for him to do unspeakable things to me right now. 
Our lips part as we both look at each other, this lust or whatever this is, it's going to be the death of me.