Yaunfen (Book three to Attraction)

22.

The song for this chapter is Anchor by Novo Amor
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I've been pacing back and forth in my bedroom since I got home from school, neither of my parents are home yet because after my dad dropped me off at home he had to go run some errands but I just threw up in the bathroom. Seth is already off work and he texted me to see if I wanted to hang out today, but I can't. I can't see him anymore. I've been crying since my dad dropped my off and honestly nothing in the world could have prepared me for doing this, nothing in the world could have ever prepared me for what I am about to do. Seth has been by my side everyday for thirteen years and now I have to say goodbye to him for forever. My mind trances back to the first time I ever saw him, it was at my dad's Super Bowl party. Even then, I felt such a strong pull to him though I didn't understand it at that age. We sat in this very bedroom and I talked his ear off about Barbie and anything pink and he listened.
And now I have to say goodbye to him permanently, the man that I have fallen madly and completely in love with, I have to say goodbye to.
There will be no more kisses, no more cuddling after the things that we have been doing to each other lately, there will be no more staying the night with him and seeing this beautiful face or hearing that perfect voice. I have to say goodbye to the man that I love and it's going to make me wish I was dead after I do it because I'm already wishing I was dead now.

"Call him, now." Conner commands as I press the phone to my ear, I put him on speaker phone.

My hands are trembling when Seth answers on the second ring, I close my eyes as more tears leave my eyes. I take a seat on the ground against my bed with my knees hugged to my chest.

"Hey, Hazel. What's up?" He sounds so gentle and calm, I try to savor the sound of his voice so I don't forget what it sounds like.

I cover my mouth to stifle my silent sobs.

"Hazel? Are you there?"

I clench my jaw and swallow my cries as I stare straight ahead of me.

"Yeah, sorry." I manage out. "I need to talk to you."

"Are you okay? You sound upset. Did I do something?" He sounds concerned, I close my eyes as my bottom lip trembles.

"Seth, I don't want to see you anymore." My voice comes out flat, it comes out stone cold and emotionless. There is a pause on the other end of the phone.

"What?" He sounds shocked.

"This isn't going to work out between us."

"What do you mean? Is this because of last night?" The shock in his voice is evident.

I cover my mouth again to hold back another sob as my hands continue to shake.

"It's not because of last night. I just can't do this with you... I want to forget about you completely and this just isn't working. I can't keep doing this. I want to let you go fully." I try to hold back on my cries when I speak the best I can.

There is another pause.

"Hazel... What are you saying?" I can hear a deep sadness to his voice now, I cover my mouth and bite down on my tongue to keep from wailing. I gulp down my cries as I ready myself to speak again.

"I'm saying what ever this is, it's over. I don't want to see you anymore. Let me let you go."

Neither one of us saying anything and I wish he would just speak or drive his car over here right now because it's taking everything in me not to scream and take everything I just said back.

"You don't want to see me anymore?" He sounds stunned.

"No." My voice comes out flat.

I can't bear to be on the phone with him any longer, this is just pure torment at this point.

"Please don't call me anymore." When I finish speaking I quickly hang up the call on Seth and Conner as a sob escapes my lips. I throw my phone across the room as the lonely and empty feeling fills my heart, it's a feeling I have never felt before.

I hate Conner. I actually hate him. I scream angrily as I continue sobbing on the ground, I stand up from the floor as I knock over my nightstand, I run and push all of my makeup off of my vanity.

"I hate you! I hate you!" I scream out and I continue sobbing. I grab the blanket off of my bed and rip it off throwing it to the ground.

"I hate you!" I scream as I fall back onto the floor.

I wish I never met Conner, I wish he never came into my life. I lay curled up on the floor sobbing until my throat feels like it's on fire, I don't want to move, I don't want anyone to come in here and check on me, I just want to die. That is all I want right now is to just die. I've never wished for death before, but I want it now.

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Both of my parents has been knocking on my bedroom door and trying to get me to open it but I refuse to. I keep telling them to just leave me alone which is what I really want. My hands are still shaking by the time I hear them go to bed, but that is when I get up off of the floor and quietly make my way out of my bedroom. I quietly make my way into the living room and go to my mom's purse before fishing out my car keys, my hands are still shaking.
I quickly and quietly run out to my car as I get in it and put it in drive.

I hate my life, I hate my life so much. How did this happen to me? Why did I have to fall for Conner? He's the definition of evil if there ever was one. When I pull up to his house I angrily knock on the front door, surprisingly Conner is the one who answers. He looks down at me and takes a step outside of the house before shutting the front door behind him. I'm sobbing wreck by the time he closes the front door, I don't care if he kills me at this point. He would be doing me a favor if he did, he just made me get rid of the love of my life and my soulmate. I shove him angrily and more sobs leave my lips.

"I hate you!!" I scream as I sob again. "I broke his heart you made me break his heart!"

I expect to be hit, slapped, something. But he just doesn't, he just looks down at me as I continue breaking right before him.

"I wish I never met you! You ruined everything!" I scream as I shove him again.

He takes me by surprise when he wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his chest, I'm shaking and crying uncontrollably as I struggle against him. But eventually I stop and give up, I just stand there a sobbing wreck.

"I know you hate me." He sounds sad. "But I love you."

I begin crying even harder, I hate today. I hate my life. I want to be dead.

"No you don't!" I yell at him as he holds me in his arms. "You don't love me at all! You made me break his heart!"

"You did the right thing. Now you can focus on your relationship with me. I'm the real person you should be focusing on Hazel... Nobody is ever going to love you as much as I do." His voice is the complete opposite of what it was today at school, it's so soft and gentle. He almost sounds sad.

Conner places an arm around my limp body as he leads me into the house, he shuts the front door and begins taking me up the stairs. I just want to die. We enter into his room and he shuts the door, I begin weakly crying again as I turn around and begin shoving him but it doesn't do anything, I don't care.

"You ruined my life! I ruined my life today because of you!" I cry as I go to hit him again. He gently grabs my wrists and pulls me into him.

"Shhh... It's okay." He murmurs. "You have to make sacrifices in life for the ones you love."

I stifle back my sobs as he leans in closer to me, my heart sinks when his lips press down against my own as he begins kissing me. I don't kiss him back until he tightens his grasp around me, he leans me back against the bed as he lays me down. When our lips part, he hovers over me. Before pecking my lips and laying down next to me.

"Get some rest." He murmurs gently, a small cry leaves my lips as he wraps an arm around me.

I want to be dead.