Yaunfen (Book three to Attraction)

23.

It's four AM, I just woke up though I've been tossing and turning all night. I carefully climb out of the bed and grab my car keys before making my way down the stairs of Conner's house. When I make it outside, it's still dark out, I get in my car before sitting in the drivers seat. I stare blankly ahead of me for a moment, I feel so dead inside. I feel like when I ended things with Seth a part of me died on the phone with him.

How am I going to live without him? We were just becoming so close together again... Seth was my lifeline, he was my everything. How am I supposed to live without him? I don't want to live without him. For a moment I consider driving over to his apartment right now, I'd show up at his front door sobbing and explaining everything. But I'm door afraid of what Conner would do to either of us if he found out about that. So instead of making that left turn to get to Seth's, I turn right and take Ashberry street to get back to my house. When I park my car and get out, my body feels weak and drained but I can't go back to bed, I don't want to sleep, I'm too sick to my stomach to go to sleep right now.
I quietly make it inside and return my car keys to my moms purse, I go into the hall bathroom and turn in the shower. Once I get in it, I sit on the shower floor and hug my knees to my chest as the hot water pours over me like droplets of fire. I stare blankly ahead of me as Seth's perfect face keeps flashing into my mind. I wish I was dead.

When the water runs cold, I get out of the shower and make my way back into my bedroom, but by that time the sun has already risen and I can hear my mom and dad in the kitchen. I go back to my room and change into a pair of black leggings and my Forks High hoodie. I don't even bother to brush my wet hair or to put on any makeup, nothing matters anymore. I slip on my Adirondack boots and make my way out of the bedroom, both of my parents turn to face me when I come into the kitchen.

"Sweetie are you okay?" My mom asks worriedly.

I don't answer her right away as I stare blankly at the ground.

"I'm fine." I dully speak.

"What happened at that party?" She asks calmly. I don't respond.

"Hazel, can we go talk outside?" My dad suddenly speaks as he stands up from his chair. He's holding a yellow coffee mug, I sullenly nod.

When we go outside, the lump in my throat begins to ache, I swallow it down and fight back against wailing right now. I look up at him, he's looking down at me like he's worried and confused.

"Seth called me yesterday... He told me what you said on the phone. Did you mean all of that?" He sounds surprised.

I nod my head yes because if I say yes then I'm going to end up screaming and crying like a mad woman and I have to keep up appearances.

"What happened?" He looks stunned by my confirmation.

Now I have to speak, I don't have a choice, I can't nod my way out of this one. I ready myself to use my voice as I pray it doesn't betray me.

"It was just time for me to move on." I tell him in a monotone voice, my voice sounds hoarse... Probably from all of the crying I have been doing.

"Did Conner put you up to this? Is he forcing you to say these things? Did he threaten you?" He sounds angry, I quickly shake my head no.

It's quiet again, neither one of us speaks or says anything as I stare down at the floor.

"Hazel... If you are being blackmailed right now I really need you to tell me." He says as he takes a seat on the chair that's on the porch. "Listen to me when I tell you this, a long time ago before you were born I was blackmailed into doing something. It hurt your mother very terribly and I was a wreck. I did it because I thought I would be saving her life if I did, but you know what? She still got hurt in the end. The blackmailer lied and he still hurt her. She got her life back and things were okay after I told her the truth and we got things settled, then we had you, but if someone is forcing you to say this, I promise you, they're not going to stop. If this is Conner's doing, he isn't going to stop, it's going to get worse from here on out. Please tell me now if that's what's going on, because I know you love Seth. I know he is your world and I know you are his world, he sounded very broken on the phone with me last night."