Yaunfen (Book three to Attraction)

21.

Seth has been quiet the whole drive back to my house, I've been quiet the whole drive back to my house. Neither one of us has said anything. I'm worried that Seth is mad at me for some unknown reason and I don't know why, I don't like it. He's death gripping the steering wheel right now and I keep fidgeting with my hands to make the time go by and the awkward feeling in the car less from what it already is. I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding in once he pulls up to my house and puts the car in park, he turns to face me and I look over at him.

"I'm sorry I lost it tonight." He finally speaks.

I don't know why he is apologizing to me? It was bound to happen at some point, Seth or my dad was bound to lose their shit on Conner eventually. Our eyes connect as he gazes at me very intently, he's looking at me like he's seeing into my soul, it's very intense.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"Because out of all the years you've known me, you've never seen me do that before. You've never seen me just lose my shit." He speaks in a calmer tone, I slowly shake my head at him.

"I'm not mad at you for that. I didn't expect that to happen tonight, but it was bound to happen eventually." I tell him softly, he looks away from me and nods his head.

"Yeah... It was." He sounds upset again. He looks over at me again. "If I ever seen him again, I don't think I'll be able to stop next time. I've never seen red before, but I saw red tonight."

I look down at my hands that are resting in my lap as I begin fidgeting again, Seth has a right to be angry. I would be angry if someone put their hands on my loved one too... it's quiet again. Neither one of us saying anything and I wish Seth would start talking again because this silence in the car is the worst feeling right now. He surprises me by taking my hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze, I look back up at him.

"You have a good night." He speaks calmer again, I nod my head and give him a weak smile before getting out of his car.

I don't say anything to my parents when I enter into the house, but they both look at me from behind the couch where they are sitting. My dad has his arm lovingly draped over my mom's shoulder, they must be able to see the expression on my face because they both give me concerned expressions when they see me.

"Honey what's wrong?" My mom asks worriedly.

"What happened?" My dad questions.

"Nothing, I think I just ate something that didn't agree with me." I lie, I take another step toward the hallway.

I don't want to tell them what happened tonight at the party, I just want to forget about tonight. I don't want to talk about what Conner did to me to them if anyone. It makes me feel terrible that I stayed with him and let him do that to me, I just want to forget all of this ever happened.

"Do I need to call Seth?" I sigh at my dad's words.

"No. God, can we just drop it? I'm tired, I just want to go to bed." I don't mean to sound snappy but I just don't want to talk about it anymore.

They both just look at each other with the same worried expressions on their faces before I turn around and go into my room. I shut my bedroom door and lay down against my bed as I stare up at the ceiling, I want to forget about all of it. I want forget that Conner abused me, I want to forget that I kept going back to him and standing up for him, and I want to forget about tonight.

———

McKenna is already standing outside of the school waiting as my dad drops me off, I hate that I still don't have my car. I've tried bargaining with him about getting it back but he won't give it back to me yet. We argued this morning on the way to school and I told him I won't go back to Conner, he said he's not taking any chances. I got highly offended that he doesn't believe me, I told him he's insulting me by still thinking I would go back to Conner. He said he isn't trying to insult me but that I already went back to him a few times and he doesn't want that to happen again. We didn't say anything else to each other for the rest of the car ride. McKenna can tell I'm in a bad mood when I get out of the car, she gives me a sympathetic expression as we begin walking into Forks High.