The apartment. Sheldon is on the sofa, using his laptop. He is wearing a headset.
Sheldon: Fellow warriors, this is Sheldor the Conqueror. We are about to enter Axel's fortress. Now this is a long run, so let's do another bladder check. Alright Barry, we'll wait for you again, but you really should see a doctor. (There is banging at the door.) Sheldor is AFK. (Goes out to find Penny having trouble getting into her apartment.) Penny, are you experiencing some sort of difficulty?
Penny: Yes, I can't get my stupid door open.
Sheldon: You appear to have put your car key in the door lock, are you aware of that?
Penny: Yeah!
Sheldon: Alright then. (Turns to return inside. One of the grocery bags Penny is holding falls to the floor spilling groceries.)
Penny: Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit.
Sheldon: Would it be possible for you to do this a little more quietly?
Penny: I can't get the damned key out.
Sheldon: Well that's not surprising. That Baldwin lock on your door uses traditional edge mounted cylinders, whereas the key for your Volkswagon uses a centre cylinder system.
Penny: Thankyou, Sheldon.
Sheldon: You're welcome. Point of inquiry, why did you put your car key in the door lock?
Penny: Why? I'll tell you why. Because today I had an audition, it took me two hours to get there, I waited an hour for my turn, and before I could even start they told me I looked too Midwest for the part. Too Midwest? What the hell does that even mean?
Sheldon: Well, the American Midwest was mostly settled by Scandinavian and Germanic peoples who, well they have a characteristic facial bone structure....
Penny: I know what it means, Sheldon! God, you know, I have been in L.A. for almost two years now, and I haven't got a single acting job, I have accomplished nothing, haven't gotten a raise at work, haven't even had sex in six months, and just now when I was walking up those stairs a fly flew in my mouth and I ate it.
Sheldon: Well, actually, insects are a dietary staple in many cultures, they're almost pure protein.
Penny (picking up the bag she has just repacked, whereupon the bottom falls out and the groceries fall to the floor again): Oh, sonofabitch!
Sheldon: I believe the condensation on your frozen foods weakened the structural integrity of the bag. But returning to your key conundrum, perhaps you should call a locksmith and have him open the door for you.
Penny: I did, and he said he'll get here when he gets here.
Sheldon: And you're frustrated because he phrased his reply in the form of a meaningless tautology?
Penny: No! I am frustrated because I am a failure at everything and my breath smells like fly. (Bursts into tears.)
Sheldon: There there. (Reluctantly) Would you prefer to wait in our apartment?
Penny: No Sheldon, I'd rather sit on this freezing cold floor sobbing like a three year-old.
Sheldon: Alright then. (Turns to go inside again.)
Penny: For God's sake! (Stomps into apartment.)
Sheldon: Just when I think I've gotten the hang of sarcasm.
Later on inside the apartment.
Sheldon: Make yourself comfortable. (Sits in Sheldon's place.) Not there. (Sits on other end of sofa. Puts feet on table. Sheldon looks disapprovingly. Removes feet from table. Sheldon sits and replaces headset.) Sheldor is back online.
YOU ARE READING
Big Bang Theory (Missy Cooper X Male Reader X Paige Swanson )
FanfictionY/N L/N. A boy originally from Texas who grew up on the same street as the Cooper's. He was good friends with Sheldon both being obsessed with comic books, Star Trek, and Star Wars even Pyshics was able to keep up with him due to his own impressive...
