Hollow | BxBxBxB

-19- Awkward

Connor awoke early the next morning, his eyes were still damp from crying, it was extremely light outside. The bright light was almost blinding after being in darkness for so long. Connor sat up in bed yawning and feeling extremely unmotivated, anxious, depressed. Basically every bad feeling was circling around in his head.

He still couldn't quite believe what had happened. He'd actually gone for it, for the first time in his life he'd plucked up the courage to ask someone out, for the first time in his life he trusted someone enough to ask that question. And he was rejected. All of that built up courage was for nothing in the end, now he'd be a social outcast at Golden Eagle. Riccardo wouldn't want to talk to a boy who had a crush on him, and the others would side with Riccardo since they'd known him for longer than they'd known Connor.

Connor stood up resting his arms on the windowsill sighing heavily. He hated feeling like this, he hated feeling sorry for himself. He hated the attention it brought onto him being depressed. All the emotions that came with it were obviously not ideal too.

He'd been taking his pills every afternoon recently, he thought maybe they might be helping, but with a set back like this what was the point, the moment he got happier it'd all just get swept away like a note in a bottle cast to sea swirling forever in the bottomless tides.

Before Connor could think in any more depth about whether or not his pills were working a loud knock sounded at his door, was it that time already?

Doctor Mercury entered his bedroom passing Connor a chirpy smile. "You coming down for breakfast Connor?" He asked tentatively.

Connor shook his head glancing back out of the window again hoping the kind old doctor would just walk away, however he didn't. Instead he softly shut the door and took a seat.

"Talk to me Connor. What's changed? You were progressing so well, you'd been actually completing. Your portions had been increasing. What's different between then and now?" Doctor Mercury inquired gently.

Connor smiled slightly at this, if only the doctor knew how much had changed since then. He'd grown super close with Riccardo, and now they couldn't even make eye contact without it being awkward. "I fucked everything up, as usual" Connor replied quietly.

"How so?" Doctor Mercury questioned raising his eyebrows in surprise. It was the first time Connor had cussed in front of the doctor so it must've taken him by surprise. The other boys had potty mouths though so Connor swearing once wasn't all that surprising after being here so long.

"I... it's so dumb" Connor whispered still not turning to face the doctor, he couldn't look him in the eyes and tell him the reason he'd stopped eating was because he got rejected. He didn't want to sound so silly. So pathetic.

"I'll be the judge of that" Doctor Mercury informed him kindly with a small chuckle as he readjusted his glasses.

"I like Riccardo. More than a friend" Connor blurted out, Doctor Mercury sighed nodding his head.

"It can be difficult to navigate such feelings especially in an environment like this. Have you tried speaking to Riccardo to see if he feels the same? Or at least just to be able to air it out" Doctor Mercury suggested obviously unaware that'd had already happened.

"That's why I'm up here and not down there. I told him, and.... Yeah" Connor mumbled back anxiety rising in his chest. He was so scared the doctor would just laugh in his face. To his relief Doctor Mercury nodded understandingly.

"Things like this happen. That's life, but I can assure you, having known these boys for a while now. Riccardo isn't the type to gossip. He won't have gone around telling everyone what you discussed with him and casting a bad light on you" Doctor Mercury tried to reassure Connor calmly.

"I can't even look him in the eye" Connor choked out tears welling up in his own eyes.

"Then don't, you're here to get better not make the other patients happy. Even if you literally never spoke to Riccardo again, that'd be fine. It isn't mandatory to interact with other patients" Doctor Mercury explained patiently.

"I- I guess" Connor stuttered back, he still wasn't sure about this.

"Let's give it a go. Then if you hate it fair enough, it might be awkward, it probably will be awkward in fact, but it will be manageable" Doctor Mercury told him rising to his feet with a stretch. Connor nodded, but in his head it felt like a heavy weight was baring down on him. Going down there and seeing the brunette he loved who didn't love him back was going to be so uncomfortable.

Connor was soon sat in the dining room, he was the second to arrive after Alex, a couple of minutes later Liam came in followed by Riccardo. The Italian didn't even spare Connor a glance as he strolled over to his seat softly sitting down.

Breakfast was the most awkward meal Connor had ever had, and that was saying a lot coming from an anxiety ridden anorexic boy like himself, he'd had so many awkward, uncomfortable and down right cringeworthy meal times, but this one was by far the worst. The tension in the room was palpable. Even Alex was staying quiet.

Connor soon realised despite the doctors reassurance the other boys definitely knew. From across the table Alex and Liam kept stealing quick glances at him before hurriedly looking away. The usual chatter was replaced with an awkward silence.

Managing most of his breakfast despite the tension Connor stood up quickly leaving the room. He sat in the lounge keeping his head down. Riccardo was noticeably absent, Alex was unusually silent. Only Liam seemed to be hiding his knowledge well. He was doing his usual thing.

"A-are you guys okay today?" Connor asked trying to stab through the silence.

"Fine" Alex muttered back distractedly, a small smile flickered onto his face but Connor could still tell something was off. It wasn't like the other boys were being unfriendly or nasty to him. The vibe was just off. Extremely off. It was like no one knew how to approach the situation at all.

"Okay yeah, you?" Liam answered glancing at Connor giving him the first proper exchange he'd had thus far.

"Fine I guess" Connor replied shrugging, he couldn't bare it anymore. The staring, the awkwardness. It was too much for him to handle. Scrambling to his feet Connor rushed up to his room not taking a second glance back at the lounge. He heard words being said as he ascended the stairs but couldn't make them out.

All he could think about was getting to his room and being alone, that was what he needed right now.