Hollow | BxBxBxB

-33- New Admission

Connor sat at the lunch table staring at his spaghetti in complete disinterest, after his talk with Simon food had been on his mind the whole morning, now that it was actually time to eat he was struggling with it.

Moving the spaghetti and meatballs around on his plate Connor tuned out the conversation that was happening around him, he needed to focus on himself.

He pushed the food around a bit more trying to decide which bit to start with, eventually he settled on cutting one of the meatballs in half, once he'd done that he just stared at it, maybe cutting it down to quarters would help? Slicing the meat into quarters he eyed it up. Maybe eighths?

As he was beginning to saw the meatball again Simon leaned closer to him. "Connor, we need to start, it's fine as it is. The smaller it gets the more times you'll have to overcome eating it" He instructed firmly, Connor leaned back his breathing quickening. It wasn't fine as it was at all.

He clutched his fork cautiously picking up one of the quarter pieces and quickly shoving it into his mouth, as he chewed he felt physically sick at the calories entering his system. Why was it still this hard? After all this time and all his increases.

Swallowing the food Connor placed his fork back onto the table bitterly.

"You can do this Connor" Riccardo whispered from beside him, Connor glanced at him gratefully but noticed to his dismay the brunette had already finished. Quickly flickering his gaze to Alex and Liam they'd finished too. It was just him left.

Panic rose harshly in Connors chest as he breathing quickened even more. They were all waiting on him, which meant all eyes would be on him and his failed completion. Standing up hurriedly Connor rushed out of the dining room.

"Connor!" Doctor Mercury yelled standing up but missing the raven haired boy as he got out of the room.

Travelling quickly up the stairs Connor tried the bathroom door, he needed to purge what he'd had. To his horror the door was locked, collapsing in front of it Connor sobbed wishing the ground could completely swallow him whole.

Doctor Mercury jogged towards him hastily crouching down beside him. "Connor breathe with me come on, you've done this before and you can do it again" He reassured Connor panting out of breath himself from the short chase.

"I- I can't, it's too much" Connor choked out between the tears that were blurring his vision.

"Yes you can, you've proved to me how much of a fighter you are. You've progressed so much since you've got here, keep fighting Connor, you might not win every battle but you'll win the war I promise" Doctor Mercury whispered urgently to him.

Connor shook his head still crying bitterly, it didn't feel like he was winning, he couldn't even look at a plate of spaghetti without having a breakdown, what kind of a man was he?

"I'm so fucking weak, I can't do this anymore" He blurted out curling in on himself on the rough, carpeted hallway floor.

Kneeling down beside him Doctor Mercury patted his shoulder comfortingly. "I know it feels like that Connor, believe me I've had many boys here who felt exactly the same, but they're all out there now. Thriving because they gave themselves a chance. You're not weak, you're not pathetic, you're not any less of a man because of your eating disorder, you're a resilient, brave young boy who has a massive future ahead of him. Don't give in before you've given yourself a fair chance" Doctor Mercury reassured him his voice even.

Despite the doctors very kind words it was all going in one ear and out the other for Connor.

"Do you want to come back down and give it another try?" Doctor Mercury questioned softly.