Hollow | BxBxBxB

-32- Apologies

Connor lay curled up on his bed quietly breathing in and out to the rhythm of his own heartbeat, despite his intentions to sleep after the incident with Alex it had proved impossible.

Every time he shut his eyes all he could see was the fury in Alex's eyes, the continuous screaming apologies spewing from the blondes lips as he strangled his own boyfriend. Connor kept trying to tell himself he was safe now and it would never happen again, but he wasn't entirely sure it wouldn't.

Alex wasn't abusive, Connor knew that without any doubt. Alex was incredibly kind hearted, funny and caring towards him, he'd always been so friendly towards Connor even during previous episodes of paranoia and hallucinations. The fact he got pushed so far he actually tried to murder someone he loved showed how important it was he took his pills, if it could just be that simple.

For Alex it was a lot more complicated than just taking the pills, taking them in itself was a whole other battle. He'd have to overcome his past demons if he wanted to confront his current ones. That would take a lot of bravery and probably a lot of hurt.

Feeling extremely groggy Connor glanced at the time on the clock hanging carelessly above his door, it was nearly breakfast, standing up Connor made his way out of the 4 enclosed walls of his bedroom heading towards the stairs, however as he did Alex's door opened down the hall and the boy yelled his name.

"Connor!" Alex shouted jogging over to him, the blonde had heavy bags under his eyes and his cheeks were puffy from crying. Right away Connor could tell like himself Alex hadn't had a good nights sleep. He immediately hugged Connor without saying a word.

Connor embraced the hug holding back his tears as he squeezed Alex tight, he felt so warm and safe in the boys soft touch, a complete contrast to during last nights fiasco. Right now there was no one in the world he'd rather be hugging than his boyfriend.

"I'm not gonna apologise because... frankly I said the S word so much whilst it was happening I don't want to... to make you remember it more, you know" Alex explained looking so extremely guilty.

"I'm sor- that too, I should've handled it better" Connor mumbled back making Alex's eyes widen.

"Are you kidding me Connor? I tried to strangle you, look at your neck! You are no way at fault whatsoever here, I am" Alex protested the guilt clear in his pale green eyes as they filled with watery tears. "Don't blame yourself for this at all! Nothing that happened was your fault"

"It's- it's okay" Connor whispered back composing himself hastily.

"No it's not" Alex muttered quietly. "I don't know how I'll ever forgive myself, I don't know how you'll ever forgive me"

"I already have, it wasn't you wanting me dead" Connor replied logically. That was how he genuinely felt, he didn't blame Alex for what the voices had made him do. He blamed himself for not handling the situation better. He should've been able to prevent Alex from getting that riled up. He should've been able to calm his own boyfriend down so that it didn't escalate to the point it had, but he'd failed that simple task.

"I guess" Alex whispered looking at the ground sadly. "I- I can't believe I let them win like that, what if you'd died?" He then added clearly not able to forget it. Connor stared into Alex's scared pale green eyes feeling heartbroken, Alex had clearly been up all night tossing and turning about this.

Connor was about to reassure him again when someone else spoke.

"Stop, Alex" a new voice emerged, it was Liam. The tall boy approached the pair gently ruffling Alex's blonde and pink hair making the blonde bat him away with a dramatic pout.

Alex must've told Liam what had happened then. "Look at Connor Alex, look straight at him"

"I don't know what straight is" Alex deflected with a joke but Liam ignored him restarting what he was trying to say.