Missing Piece

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Benjamin

I'm avoiding Mel. There's no denying in that. And I think Mel's noticed that too. She's kinda ditzy sometimes but she's also very perceptive.

I'm avoiding her like a vampire avoids the sunlight.

The heck is wrong with me......

Vampires? Sunlight?

Why am I using such metaphors?

Well, when your wife wakes you up at 3 a.m. to talk about blood sucking creatures then of course your brain is going to use those creatures as an analogy.

The more I avoid her, the more I've started to feel suffocated. Like I'm having trouble breathing and there is faint pain in my chest. When I looked up these symptoms on google, it showed that I might have an asthma or a hole in my heart or cancer or COVID-19. Lucky for me that I don't believe everything I read on internet. But if the google had showed up a result like 'Maybe you're suffering from deficiency of Melani-E', I might have believed google.

My mind is sending me messages like – 'Stay the hell away from your wife' and the stupid thing whose only work is to pump blood is threatening me like – 'If you stay away from her, I'd stop working. And you'll die of heart failure.'

The logical part of me thinks that I should probably listen to my heart thing. I certainly don't wanna die this young. Will would kill me if I died so suddenly.

On the other hand, it's been three months since Suzanne, and I split up and it seems like I'm moving on from her way faster than I thought I would. And that's making me feel incredibly guilty. I shouldn't be moving on this fast. It's wrong. It makes me wonder if I really loved her or not? Cause you don't just move on from a person you were supposedly deeply in love with that easily.

For years, Suzanne was the only woman I loved. I've had girlfriends but I wasn't really in love with them.

I vaguely remember that I started dating Suzanne in junior year of high school. Suzanne's father is friends with Dad. So, I've known her since childhood.

I liked her enough to ask her out on a date. She's always been smart and beautiful; so, it wasn't that surprising that I started to like her. She'd been with me through some tough times. Eventually I grew to love her. Everything was going alright until it wasn't.

When high school ended so did our relationship.

Suzanne was the one to end it. It was hard for me for a couple of months, but I was on the track again. I've always been a practical person. Not dwelling on too many emotions. It wasn't until four years later that I saw Suzanne again. We got into talking and then before we knew it, we were in relationship again and three months in, she was moving in with me. It took me another four years to put a diamond on her finger. And our so-called engagement lasted for five months.

Not a day goes by where I don't think why Suzanne accused me of doing those things. I don't think I ever gave her any reason to not trust me. Then how could she even have thought that I'd do such vile things?

Gramps has said that Dad was somehow responsible for this. Is it possible that Dad was the one who told Suzanne all these things? But again, why would he do that? Sure, he doesn't like me that much, but still, I'm his blood. Why would he try to ruin my life? Gramps is not opening up his mouth. The only answer that I get from him is 'You'll know it someday'.

I'm so desperately waiting for that someday where I'll finally get some answers.

So back to why am I avoiding my wife? It's because she's making me feel these stupid feelings that I haven't felt since I was a teenager. I'm talking about those stupid butterflies and those heart flutters and giddiness and euphoria and clammy hands and whatnot.