Reach For The Stars (Dallas Liu & Ian Ousley)

27

Star's POV

When we got to Malibu Beach, it was basically empty.

Splashing waves was all we could hear in the darkness.

The seawater's salty flavor struck my nose as the crisp air blew through my hair.

I direct the boys to our seating spot. We enjoy the refreshing wind while I play with the sand.

Ian says, "This is very nice."

As we gaze at the moon, I agree with him.

We talk back to the times when we would go to the beach daily. We giggle at ourselves as we go through the old TikTok's we used to make.

"As much as I love everything we're experiencing right now I miss these days sometimes." I tell them.

"Not going to lie, me too." Dallas agrees.

"So Star...?" Ian calls out.

I hum, and he asks, "How's everything going? You know with therapy and everything?"

"Oooh are we doing this tonight?" I snicker.

"Let's do it." Dallas follows.

The boys focused on me as we sat in a circle.

"So far, so good. Therapy has undoubtedly been something."

Dallas asks, "Something good?"

"Yeah, I think so." I smile slightly. "It's weird having an adult acknowledge what I'm saying."

"I'm glad you're doing this." Ian tells me.

"Thanks." I give them a thumbs up and send them an awkward smile.

"To be honest, talking about it all feels a little strange. I occasionally worry that I'm just giving her what she wants to hear. I mention my therapist in my statement.

"What do you mean?" Ian questions.

"Not necessarily what she wants to hear but for example I will talk about a bad time and then follow it with I know I didn't deserve that or something along those lines."

"I don't think that's a bad thing as long as you really do believe that." Dallas informs me. "You do right?"

I extend my arms to my now tucked in knees, saying, "Yeah." I shrug. "It just feels strange saying it."

"I think what I'm trying to say is that there is a part of me that understands everything that happened to me was awful and shouldn't have happened. That I didn't deserve any of it and that it's not my fault. But I believe that was the life I was destined to have and it has shaped who I am now. Even if I hate it. When things get difficult, I sulk in those moments. Times of trigger seem like I'm reliving the experience. It's crazy; it makes my skin crawl to feel like back in my parents' presence."

"I'm so sorry Star." Dallas says.

"It's not your fault silly!" I try lighting the environment.

"What can we do to help in those moments when you feel that way?" Ian wonders.

I pause while I gaze out to sea. "You know I don't even know myself." I laugh.

"Sometimes I get so scared that I'm going to turn out exactly like my parents," I groan as the realization dawns on me. I swallow.

Ian says, "Don't say that."

"It's my biggest fear." Still looking out at the waves, I say.

"You will NEVER be like them." Dallas says while taking my hand, "Never."

"That night... At the party, I felt exactly like them." I become vulnerable.

"You were just drunk you weren't yourself." Dallas assures me.

"Not any different than my father...." I give a headshake. "I don't even know if I should call him that."

"You made a mistake Star, don't be too hard on yourself for it." Ian says getting closer to me.

"Exactly, and look at us! We're good. We're alright." Dallas moves my side.

"I keep telling myself that I'm different and that I have learned from them what not to be. But what if I just start acting like them since that's all I know?" I give them both a quick look. 

"Look, Star, you would not have felt regret after that night if you were like them. However, you made an effort to fix it, and you respected my need for space. Your parents are narcissists, and they wouldn't ever do what's morally correct." Dallas informs me.

"He's right. Star, you're not a bad person; you care about other people. You never will be." Ian continues.

"Good people can do bad things." I look directly forward.

"Bad people won't do good things." Ian reacts.

"You can do no wrong in our eyes." Dallas jokes making me feel more at ease.

"Thanks guys." Putting one arm over each of them, I say. "I'm so lucky to have you guys."

"We can say the same." Dallas rests his head on my shoulder.

I felt Ian's gaze on me, so I turned to face him. When our eyes lock, he smiles.

He rests his head lightly on my shoulder as well.

"I wouldn't change this moment for anything." I tell them.

"We love you." Ian speaks gently.

We enjoyed the moment and the night's freshness. It felt like a vibrant, happy night.

I feel like I can breathe for the first time in months.

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Short chapter for today but I can't wait for you guys to read the next one. 

I hope everyone's summer is going great, I've been enjoying my time.

Thank you for 1.2k reads! Make sure to vote if you can please! I love seeing the votes.

Talk to you guys next chapter!! See  ya 

-honeylunaaa