Reach For The Stars (Dallas Liu & Ian Ousley)

41

Star's POV

I kept going back to what Billie had told me. That left me with so much to unpack. It's unbelievable that I have no memory of any of that. 

It has been five years since I last considered suicide, which was when I was seventeen. The thing that troubled me the most was that I mentioned missing my mother—how could I possibly say that? My entire life, I've only wanted to get away from my parents. 

Perhaps what I really miss is the love and affection she never had given me, instead of her. But she failed at being my mother.

"Star." Jacob waits outside the passenger side with the door open, disturbing my thoughts.

"What? Oh, thank you." Getting out of the car, I say. 

I told Jacob I was only in town for the day, and he wanted to take me out for dinner, so he picked me up at Billie's. 

"You're tired aren't you?" 

"Yeah, somewhat." I say, still stuck in thoughts.

After entering Nobu, we are shown to a separate room. As we head back there, heads turn just a little. While most people at Nobu attempt not to seem disturbed, one can see the thrill in their eyes.

Jacob asks me about the Billboard awards after we settle down and place our drink orders.

I say, "It was fine."

"Fine as in 10 time nominee winner." He smiles.

"Yeah in that sort of way." 

"Did you have fun performing?" He asks.

"Always." is my response. "So what were you up to?" I didn't feel like talking, so I ask him. 

If I'm not feeling all that into it, why am I here? Before I made these plans, I wish I had known what Billie was going to tell me. 

I lost all sense of time as he was telling me about his experience filming a new movie.

Lost in my own thoughts it still shocked me that I kissed Billie when I thought it was someone else. Dallas in particular.

Why did I feel the need to do that? I feel horrible for many reasons. I feel bad for putting Billie through all of that. I feel bad for kissing Jacob and thinking about somebody else. 

I know I'll never date one of my best friends, so what am I doing? What is wrong with me?

"Star?" 

"Hmm?" 

"I asked you a question." 

"Oh, I'm sorry." I break out of it. "What did you ask?" 

"I asked where you're headed off to."

"Oh, um I'm heading to Europe.  After the Brit Music Awards, I'm doing press." 

"How fun, returning so quickly to Europe." 

"I know right." Right away, I take a sip of the beverages that have been placed in front of us. 

"So you're on a press tour right now?" 

"Basically." 

"That means you won't be around so much." 

I continue to drink my lychee martini and nod my head. 

"That is correct." 

"Sorry, but I need to ask. Are you angry with me? Is it because of the phone?" 

"What? No, no, no! If I'm acting strange today, I'm sorry." I sigh. "You didn't do anything, I promise."

"You just seem kind off today."