Reach For The Stars (Dallas Liu & Ian Ousley)

54

STAR'S POV

I sat in my living room across from the therapist while she discussed acceptance. 

"Would you say you have a problem?" She asks.

"I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't."

"But can you say it? Can you say that aloud?" 

"I-I don't know."

"Let's try it. Begin by introducing yourself and explaining why you are here."

"My n-name is S-star." I start. "And I have an addiction." As I glance down at the ground, my voice becomes quieter. 

"One more time." 

"My name is Star and I'm an a-addict." It hurts to say that.

"Addict to what?"

"Alcohol and d-drugs." 

"Go on."

"My name is S-star and I-I'm an alcoholic and an addict." That sentence made me feel my pulse race.

"How does that make you feel?"

"Ashamed. Embarrassed."

"Those are normal feelings to experience. You should be proud of yourself for accepting help."

"It's n-needing the help that doesn't make me feel proud." I tell her feeling nauseous.

"You're very shaky today." She notices. "That means you're going through withdrawals."

I shake and say, "Yup."

"How does that make you feel?"

"Like shit."

"Emotionally?" 

"Powerless."

"How so?"

I sighed. "B-because I've -never had the power. I-it was controlling me."

"You are far more powerful than you realize. You do not have to be ruled by your addiction."

I nod my head. "I—I'm sorry. I'm not sure if I can continue today."

"That's OK. I will see you in two days."

As I rise from my seat, I remark, "Thank you."

I dash out the door and head for the nearest bathroom.

"Star?" Dallas calls my name as I run through the living room.

Rushing inside the bathroom, I collapsed on my knees, staring directly into the toilet bowl. It was as if my body recognized where I was and immediately began to vomit.

"Fuck." I groan.

I hate vomiting up.

Outside the door, I hear Ian speaking with my therapist.

"How can we help her through this?" Ian asks.

I felt a presence behind me and knew it was Dallas.

"Close the door please."

I didn't want to hear Ian's talk with my therapist.

Dallas sits down beside me on the floor without saying anything.

I turn away from him, humiliated. My body felt unsteady and pained. My lips felt dry, and I was really thirsty.

My stomach growled, begging for food, but the mere thought of eating made me puke up once more.