Reach For The Stars (Dallas Liu & Ian Ousley)

52

STAR'S POV

As Dallas drove us from the O.C. back to L.A., Ian passed out in the back seat. He didn't even turn on the music while I sat in silence in the passenger seat.

We had to attend to Ian's needs as he was drunk after I confessed that I have used cocaine.

I was too afraid to move or even speak. I knew Dallas had a lot on his mind even though he hasn't said anything.

"Coke huh?" He speaks up.

I now shift my focus from the road to my feet.

"What's that like?" Dallas questions.

"Dallas, please don't do that."

"Star, what is going on with you?"

"I don't know." I reply quietly.

"Why are you doing this?" He asks me.

I wish I could explain why to him.

"When did you use coke for the first time? How often did you do it after that?" He continues to interrogate. 

I ask him, "Are you mad at me?"

I can't stand him being mad at me.

"Am I mad at you?" He glances at me quickly and then returns to driving. "Star." He gives a sigh.

"I'm sorry." I say, still staring at the ground.

"Star, I'm just trying to understand. I swear that I'm judging you. I'm just trying to make sense of everything."

I remain silent.

"You swore you would never do drugs in your life and now all of a sudden you do coke?"

"I told you, I was stupid."

"Can you please answer my questions." He.tells me.

His voice was full of disappointment.

"Halloween. It was my first time doing it."

"Was Jacob pressuring you? Why did you do it?"

"No." I fiddle with my hands now and say. "A few nights before I met Jacob's friends. They offered me some, but I told them no that night."

"He was using around you?" He asks in disbelief.

"No, he wasn't using that night. But I had asked if I could try it. In the end, we decided that we would both do it on Halloween."

"But why, Star? Why?"

"I-I don't know."

My heart hurt just thinking about it. How can I tell him? How do I explain that I was previously drugged and that all I needed was to feel in control?

"How many times after that did you use?"

It was impossible to count how many times.

I sat there, too humiliated to respond.

"Star?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know. So, it happened multiple times."

"Please, Dallas. I'm not sure if I can keep talking about this."

He takes the next highway exit and pulls off at a point of view. He immediately parks and gets out of the vehicle.

Rolling down the window a bit so Ian can take in some fresh air, I also get out of the car and rush to Dallas.

His hands were covering his head as he stood there.