Just us.

30. Need Advise

Today Sorscha and Clodagh are at ours, I have a few baby clothes and toys that I'm giving them as they're having a girl in only a month or so
"So Charlie, how's it goin?"
"It's good. There's actually something I want to talk about with you two"
"What's on your mind?" Clodagh smiles. The couple already know Nathan and I have separated. And I'm assuming the rumours about me and Mia also.

"Well, I don't know what you've heard, if anything, but-"
"This about Mia?" Sorscha asks,
"Yeah... I'm just a little, confused"
"Do you like her?" Clodagh asks
"Yeah. I do. I mean, she cares about me and is so good with the girls. She's different from what everyone thinks" I reply. I do like Mia. But what does that make me?

"So what's there for be confused about? You like her"
"I do. It's just, what does that make me? I've never had to think about this stuff before" it's not like you have to come out as straight. As unfair as is it, being straight is just normalised more than being gay.

"You don't have to label yourself right now. Sometimes it's not that simple" Clodagh smiles. It's nice to hear that I don't have to jump right into something I'm not sure about.
"Yeah. Don't worry about it. We've been exactly where you are" hearing that I'm not alone is so comforting
"Good to know. I just don't want the pressure to, you know, come out"
"If it's not what you want then don't. Just live in the moment"
"Yeah. Have a little fun aye? You deserve it" Sorscha agrees with her wife. I think talking to them is really helping. The whole label thing is a little confusing. After talking with Marjorie about it I felt a little better but it's still good to hear from someone who understands.

"Thanks. It means a lot" I smile
"Soo, tell us more about this Mia?" Clodagh inches her chair closer towards me,
"Well, she's actually so good with kids. She's even been round here and spoke to the girls on the phone before. Isla adores her"
"So she does have a heart"
"Sorscha!" Clodagh nudges her, "Tell me more" she smiles
"Well, I suppose she's got some... issues? But so I do. And Marjorie cannot stand her. Although when I talked to her about it she seemed sort of, okay? I'm not sure"
"What did she say?"
"Well she said as long as I'm happy she's happy. So it's a good thing, right? I can tell she's trying to hide the fact she hates it all but she knows I'm happy with Mia" I reply
"So alls good then. What does she look like?" Clodagh asks. I pull up a picture from my phone I took when she was playing will Isla, "wow Char you did gooddd"
"I'm right here babe" Sorscha huffs which makes me laugh
"Anyway, it's good that's she's good with your girls, right? Have you told them?" Clodagh changes the subject
"No. Well, there was a little incident where we may have kissed and Ellie saw us" Clodaghs eyes widen like she's remembered something
"Ohhhh"
"What?" I question
"Last time we were here Ellie was asking me questions. Now I see why" she explains. Questions?
"What was she asking?"
"Just like, when I knew I liked girls and stuff. I thought she was the one thinking about it" she tells me
"Oh. Well the good thing is that we talked. The thing is, we aren't together, so I won't tell the girls that. But we also aren't not together if you know what I mean"
"Ye. You just need to think about what you want and go for it" Sorscha tells me. What do I want?

Mia and I haven't really talked about it so much. I do like her a lot more than just a friend. And the feeling I get when she's around or even if I'm just thinking about her. It makes me feel free and happy. Like I'm a bloody teenager again. I don't know.

I know what Mia wants. I think anyway. I just don't want her to not want me. I don't want to not be good enough for her. And if she gets herself into this, what if she regrets it afterwards?