Just us.

39. Isla

Today is Isla's school play, she has been non stop talking about it for weeks. There's a little part in it where she gets to sing her own solo and she's so excited.

This was something Nathan and I did talk about as we both got tickets and was going to go and act as happy together as we could just for her. Except he isn't here and that kills me.

She is going to get up on that stage and not see him in the crowd which is the worst thing to happen. She's just a little girl. And she's so overjoyed about her part and us watching it.

Isla doesn't know that Nathan has left yet. I've been trying to figure out how to tell her. Ellie's reaction was very closed off. She's older and understands more and I know she's hurting but doesn't want me to know. I don't think Isla will fully understand yet, but I know it's gonna hurt and upset her that he won't watch her play. It just makes me resent him even more. How could he possibly do that to his daughter? After weeks of listening to her practice and ramble on about it for hours. How can you do that to a little girl?

Mia called this morning and told Isla how much she wished she could be there and Isla was a little upset but understood that if she could she would. But Nathan is her dad. And he promised her he would be there.

Isla's class walks onto the stage, all the kids looking around for their parents. When she spots me her face lights up, until she realises Nathan's not here. I can see her looking around the room for him, so I send an encouraging smile her way. I just hope she does okay up there.

...

A small group of kids are up there talking, one of the teachers are sat on the stage helping out a little girl read from the paper.

All the other kids start to fill up the back of stage but I can't see Isla anywhere in them.

"Charlotte?" Someone whispers from behind so I swing my head round to see Isla's teacher, Mrs Connor. "Could you just come with me please?" Oh no. Something's wrong.

I quickly but quietly walk through the lines of parents and Mrs Connor leads me into the classroom where Isla is sat upset
"Sweetheart what's wrong?" She runs up to me and hugs me tightly. I just know this is because she couldn't see her dad in the crowd.

"Daddy's not coming is he? He never sees me anymore!" She cries "he promised he would be here mummy he promised me!" My heart is braking for her and I don't know how to help her. I feel like a complete failure. I'm her mother and she's sat here crying and I can't help her. I can't take away that pain or give her what she needs because she just needs dad.

"I know sweetheart, I know" I stroke her hair and look up towards her teacher who smiles softly at me. This is the worst possible thing to happen.

"Isla are you ready to go back on stage?" She asks as we pull apart
"No! I'm not doing it!"
"Sweetheart this is all you've talked about for weeks"
"I'm not going out there!" She shouts before running to the corner of the room and crossing her arms.

Mrs Connor walks over to her and kneels down to her level
"Isla all your friends are waiting for you. And everyone here really wants to see you out there. How about we just give it a go?"
"I don't want to anymore!"
"Look," I kneel in front of her, "I know you're upset about daddy not being here to watch you, but sweetheart I know how amazing you are and everyone else is still here"
"I don't care about everyone else! I just want you and daddy!"
"I know sweetheart. And I'm sure he really wanted to be here to watch you. I know you're upset, but do you think you can try your best anyway? For me?" After a moment she nods
"Great, come on then, everyone's waiting for your special moment!" Isla takes her teachers hand and we all walk out. I hate that he's done this to her.

...

I watched the kids sing and Isla's special moment and the rest of the play she was okay. Of course I was the loudest one cheering in the crowd.

Now we're on the drive back home and she's sat in the passenger seat staring out of the window. I stop when the traffic lights come on,
"Mummy?" She speaks up after complete silence yet she doesn't look at me "is daddy ever coming back?" After a moment she looks at me and I turn to face her
"Daddy's just on a little trip. I'm not sure when he gets back baby" I wish I could tell her more. But not even I know that.

"Why did he go mummy? Did he forget about me and Ellie?"
"Oh sweetheart, I know he loves you very much" this is killing me. I am putting him out to be a good dad who loves his girls while they think he just forgot them? How is that fair? They love him to bits and he couldn't even show up to his daughter's school play.
"What if he doesn't love me anymore?" She asks
"Oh Isla, your daddy will always love you, and so will I"
"I love you too mummy" she smiles and I start the car again as the traffic moves along "can we call Mia when we get home?"
"We'll see" I smile.

—

A/N
I'm sorry guys I know this chapter is sad. It upset me to even write it. Honestly this chapter is based off personal experiences which is why I did try to get into the emotions that Isla and Char as her mum are going through. There are so many different reactions and feelings to something like this and I want to get into that, Mia as well as she knows the feeling from her own childhood.
Xoxo-I