In Our Heads

Chapter 40

*****

Cassian watched as cold water filled his hands until it was overflowing before lifting them to splash it into his face. He repeated the movement a couple more times.

"Cassian, what are you doing?"

He glanced over his shoulder to see Lance squinting from the door and chuckled at how dazed and dishevelled his friend looked.

"Just... washing my face," he replied.

"You always wake this early?" Lance asked, stumbling up to him to grab a facecloth.

"Yes. Don't mind me, you can go back to bed," Cassian said.

"Already up, wouldn't be able to sleep again."

"Sorry, I woke you."

Lance just shrugged it off as he leaned against the doorframe crossing his arms over his chest. They had seen each other shirtless so many times, that Cassian didn't even notice Lance was bare-chested until Lance shivered slightly. The aircon must have been set a little too low.

"You really aren't going to go back?"

"I don't know," Cassian sighed, turning back to the mirror.

He was confused about everything but had been avoiding thinking about anything.

After spending a night at a hotel, unable to sleep, and then arriving at school only to have that argument with Theodore, he had spent most of the day on his own not wanting to explain to anyone why he was in such a bad state. He didn't feel like talking and wanted to be alone.

That did not really count as an argument, did it? It was just Theodore going off at him. He still wasn't certain of how to react to what happened; didn't know if he was more hurt or upset. He thought Theodore understood him, more than anyone else. He always seemed to just get Cassian. Until he didn't...

Replaying Theodore's words in his mind all day made him think about them. He had always thought he had no right to be upset about his life, about having to do everything his parents wanted from him because he knew he was luckier than most people. Arguing with Theodore made him think maybe he was being ungrateful and stupid. More than anything, it left him feeling drained and stuck, again.

His friends already knew he had been kicked out and everyone had been overly concerned about what was happening with him when they had arrived at their practice, he brushed it off as nothing and avoided any more questions by telling them to focus on the game. After school, Lance had offered to let Cassian sleep over since his parents were out of town, so he and his brother had the place to themselves.

That was how Cassian found himself where he was at the moment: in the guest bathroom at Lance's house.

"I noticed you didn't speak to Theo yesterday."

Cassian's jaw clenched a little at the mention, his chest instantly feeling tighter, and he let out a heavy breathe through his nose.

"That's done," he mumbled.

He assumed it was. Theodore had not even looked his way after they split up on the roof. He didn't want it to be over, despite feeling like Theodore was wrong. Well, he didn't know whether Theodore was actually wrong or if he was just offended because it was true. It was confusing.

"Really? Why? He's cool and you two seemed to be getting along well."

Cassian shrugged. "I don't know. We argued, I just left. End of story. Do you have an extra toothbrush?"

"Sure. I'll get it."

Cassian drew his phone from his pocket as Lance left, he figured there would not be a message from Theodore but was checking anyway. He was disappointed to be right.