We're Not Friends || Buddie

I'm Sorry

"Hey, you're back here early..." Buck says from behind his counter as Eddie walks in the door. He didn't knock, just used his key. Buck finds it odd but doesn't say anything.

"Yeah... I told her I had something to do." It feels like his heart is in his throat. He can't even look at Buck

"Are you okay? You sound a little out of it, Baby." He wants to walk over and kiss him, but something inside of him is telling him it's not the best idea at the moment.

"I..." He sighs as he walks to the counter and stands across from Buck. "Lillian asked for things to stop being casual between us..." He sets his coat on the back of a chair next to him.

"Shit, so you had to break it off with her? I'm sorry, I know you liked her." Buck really struggled with Eddie seeing other people at first, but when he realized he was the only one Eddie had any real feelings for, it calmed him. He might not like to think about it, but Eddie having some friends that he very reluctantly slept with from time to time just didn't bother him as much anymore. He's able to acknowledge that Eddie enjoys Lillian's company, and that breaking it off with her would stop him from hanging out with her.

"No... I told her I needed time to think, but I'm going to say yes, Buck." He looks up at him after his last word. Everything he's feeling right now is distorted. His vision feels blurry, and everything he's touching feels non-existent. Like he's floating, but not in a good way.

"I..." He lets out a nervous laugh. "You can't be fucking serious, Eddie." His words say anger, but his voice says betrayal... Eddie doesn't know what is worse.

"I can actually be with her." It's all he can manage to say. He could go on and on about how she's the perfect girl for him. He could point out that he loves talking with her, or that she's pretty, but it all feels so unnecessarily unkind.

"You can actually be with me too, you just won't. You're too afraid." The last three words hit Eddie like a shotgun blast. Hitting him in every place at once.

"I have so many things to think about... I have Christopher. I can't just do what I want." Logic, if he brings logic into it, Buck can't fight him back with his feelings. He can't be with Buck because it would affect Chris... right?

"So you want this, you just aren't letting yourself have it? Eddie, you don't have to let yourself have anything, you've already got me." He gives him a sincere look.

He was supposed to make this easy. He was supposed to be angry, maybe yell a little. He wasn't supposed to be Buck. Eddie says the only thing he can think of. "No, you've got it all wrong. I don't want you. I want Lillian."

Buck doesn't speak for a moment and all Eddie can think is 'okay, here comes the yelling.' But he keeps staying silent, just staring at Eddie. He finally breaks it with one word. "Okay." He was supposed to make it easy... but not this easy.

"Okay?"

"I'm done fighting with you, Eddie. You don't want to be with me, then fine. You can go." He takes a step away from the counter. The look on Buck's face is so blank. Eddie hates it. He prays for anything else. Anger, screaming, yelling. Hell, he'd go for Buck throwing shit at him if it meant not having to stare at that emotionless face.

"Hey... we still have tonight. I haven't said yes yet." One more night with Buck... that's what he needs to feel okay about this decision. "I don't have to go yet." he continues when Buck says nothing.

"No, Eddie. You decided you want to be with her. That starts now. If you want to stay, then you choose me. You are welcome to stay if you choose me. Otherwise, you need to leave." He tries to give Eddie some perspective. If he wants to leave him, then that's a decision he's making right now, not a couple hours from now. It's easy when you make a decision for a future you that you aren't yet. Buck isn't going to make this easy on him. He makes this decision for himself now.