We're Not Friends || Buddie

Nothing

Buck has his hand on Eddie's chest, his fingers tracing lightly on his skin. Eddie just lays there, watching all the small movements of Buck's hands, thinking about what else it could be doing right now. He's content with this though. He's content with any touch from Buck.

"You are so..." Buck pauses like he doesn't know what he wants to say. "I'm so lucky." He leaves a small kiss on his chest, then looks up at him and smiles.

Eddie places a hand in Buck's hair and runs his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, I guess I'm pretty lucky too." He can feel his smile getting bigger just from looking at Buck. There is something in his eyes when he looks up at him like that. It seems like he forgets to blink, but Eddie likes to think Buck just doesn't want to stop looking at him, even for the millisecond it takes to blink. He knows the thought is ridiculous. What he doesn't know is that he's completely correct. "I like it when you look at me like that..." He decides to just say it out loud. He doesn't say a lot of things like that out loud because most of the time he refuses to even acknowledge them as thoughts that cross his mind.

"It's because I have a crush on you." Buck jokes, but it's definitely what it feels like. Little flutters whenever he looks at him, thoughts of him clouding his mind every single day. Wanting to just be there with him, no matter how it is... it feels like a crush. He expects Eddie to smile a bit at the use of such a childish notion to describe how he feels about him, but instead, his smile fades. His hand leaves his hair, and he sits up.

"Crush? Do you mean like... feelings?" He sounds... panicked.

Buck lets his hand drop from Eddie's chest and he sits up next to him. "I... I guess so-" His eyes narrow and his brows furrow, but he keeps the smile on his face. Just like his face, his mind is filled with conflicting emotions. They all add up to pure confusion.

"Buck, we agreed this was just going to be casual."

"I know, I'm not asking for anything to change, I just... I'm sorry it just came out. I didn't think it was a big deal."

"It is a big deal, Buck. We agreed on casual. If you're catching feelings, that means you want more." He's on the borderline of yelling. He's just trying to get his point across, but he is aware of his tone. He feels bad, but he can't change it.

"I..." Buck is shocked by Eddie's response. He hadn't thought much about what he said before he said it, but even if he had, this is not what he would have expected. "I'll be honest with you Eddie... I do want more. I do have feelings for you. I'm not asking for anything to change, but I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I don't want them to." Eddie wishes he could admit things that easily, even just to himself. He would settle for being able to admit it to himself.

Eddie tries to force himself to feel shocked by Buck's feelings. But even he knew, since their first night together, the minute Buck said, 'whatever you're ready for,' he knew that he wanted more. He has just been hoping that Buck would never admit it out loud. "That's not good, Buck..."

"I- Eddie, can we please just pretend I didn't say anything?" Buck wants to say a million more things, but he's worried it will all just make Eddie upset, or more of whatever he is right now. He can't tell what it is exactly Eddie is feeling. "Eddie, I'm seriously not asking for anything to change."

Eddie is all of a sudden wondering if Buck was just waiting for the day things would change. If that is the case, then he can't let it keep going... but he is afraid to ask, because then he might have to end it. "I- I should go to work..." He flings the covers off of himself and stands up to start putting his clothes back on.

"We don't have to be in for like another hour..."

"I know, but this way we show up at different times, no one has any reason to ask questions." Eddie doesn't mean it. He's started to be more okay with showing up at the same time, sometimes even leaving together. He realized it was actually less suspicious because Buck and him had already been doing that before. They spent a lot of time together before any of this started. He also knows that pulling back will get Buck to just let him go out of fear of making things worse.