A Tale of Wretched Occurrences: The Beginning

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓔𝓵𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓷

"No!" you shriek.

    A door slams open backstage, and the hook-handed man comes in, pushing Sunny in a wheelbarrow. There's a piece of tape over his mouth. Count Olaf stalks over to him, ripping it off. The hook-handed man yelps in pain.

    "What are you doing, you idiot?" Count Olaf growls.

    "Well, I had to bring her here. She had a straight flush," the hook-handed man explains defensively, whining slightly.

    Count Olaf bends down to Sunny. "So, you escaped, you little dishrag. Well, I'm still married to Violet, and I will still dispense with you on our honeymoon." He walks back over to Violet, holding an arm out. "Care to dance, Countess?"

    "I'm not a countess," Violet says carefully. "At least, I don't think I am."

    "And why not, pray tell?" Count Olaf asks condescendingly.

    "I didn't sign the document in my own hand, as the law states."

    "Don't lie to me, orphan. Everyone saw you."

    "Yes, there were several hundred witnesses. Not to mention those on the mezzanine." Justice Strauss motions to the balconies high above the stage.

    "But I'm right-handed, and I signed the document with my left hand."

    "Well, that doesn't count. You're just being a sore loser and trying to ruin my special day." Count Olaf motions for the orchestra to start.

    Violet motions for the orchestra to stop.

    "With all due respect, I think Justice Strauss ought to tell us if it counts."

    "That's right!" Justice Strauss interjects. "That's right. I should tell you. I am a judge. Let me think."

    The theater holds its breath as she thinks. Finally, she looks at the audience.

    "I don't know."

    The audience lets out a collective frustrated "What?" and disappointed "Aww", as if they were still watching a play.

    "You should never be afraid to admit you don't know something," she says proudly. "This is a very complicated case. It would take a formidable legal scholar to solve it."

    You find Violet's eyes.

    "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" She whispers.

    "I guess that depends on what you're thinking," you whisper back.

    "I'm thinking we have a formidable legal scholar right here."

    "In that case, I am thinking what you're thinking."

    You turn to the people backstage. "May we have a blackboard, please?"

    Two stagehands quickly wheel one out.

    "Millie, you can solve this case?" Justice Strauss asks, surprised.

    "Not me. But I know someone who I believe can." You turn to Klaus, smiling.

    Surprise flickers across Klaus's face for a moment, but then he smiles back. He walks over to the chalkboard, picking up the piece of chalk along with a business-like expression.

    "In the respected legal tome, Nuptial Law, John Locke's groundbreaking work from the 1690s is cited. It postulates that the law of the land..."