A Tale of Wretched Occurrences: The Beginning

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓣𝔀𝓮𝓷𝓽𝔂-𝓝𝓲𝓷𝓮

“Aunt Josephine, I really do wish you would stop saying that,” Violet tells her after she’s said “uh-oh” for the fifth time.

“We’re safe as can possibly be expected,” you add, motioning to your tiny boat cradled in the cold waters.

“Maybe… you could think back to a time where you were a little more fierce and formidable?” Klaus suggests as he crosses to the other side of the boat where Josephine is sitting. He holds out the photograph he grabbed while the two of you were dangling out the window.

Aunt Josephine gasps. “Where did you find this?”

“The library.”

“I haven’t seen this photograph in years! Lucky Smells Lumbermill. That’s not far from here. Oh, and look how handsome Ike looks in that hat. Oh, and look at Monty!”

“And our parents,” Klaus says carefully.

“Yes. Your parents were such brave and noble people. I miss them.”

“We miss them too,” you say quietly.

“But we have questions about them,” Klaus adds. “They never told us about you or Uncle Monty. And I have a feeling there’s lots of other things they never told us about.”

“Your parents wanted to raise you in a quiet world, Baudelaires. Far away from the fires of injustice that were threatening all of us. They were trying to keep you safe.”

“It didn’t work.” Klaus frowns.

“No, it didn’t. Not long after that photograph was taken, your parents and I had to make a vastly frightening decision. I remember that day so well, Klaus. Your mother had just wrestled one of our enemies to the ground when she turned to me and said… uh-oh.”

“What?” you ask, confused.

“Uh-oh,” Aunt Josephine repeats. “And I mean it this time.”

“What’s wrong?” Violet asks.

“We are now entering the territory of the Lachrymose Leeches! Oh, my poor Ike! He always loved shredded beef tamales, and they ended up sealing his doom.”

“I’m sure we’ll be alright,” Violet says, but you can hear the nervousness in her voice. “You told us that the leeches are usually harmless.”

“Unless you have recently eaten,” Aunt Josephine tells her.

“We haven’t eaten anything since the peppermints at the Anxious Clown,” Klaus says.

“And that was at brunch, which was hours ago.” But just as the reassurance leaves your mouth, a horrifying realization dawns on you. “Uh-oh.”

“...You haven’t eaten anything recently, have you, Aunt Josephine?” Violet asks slowly.

She doesn’t answer.

“Aunt Josephine?” Klaus pushes.

“Banana. I ate a banana just before you arrived.”

“Uh-oh,” Violet agrees.

Klaus shakes his head. “I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about. Leeches are very small animals. If we were in the water, we would have something to worry about, but we’re in a sailboat, and I doubt they’d attack it. Hurricane Herman might’ve even scared them out of the territory.”

“Klaus.” You point to the lake, where a cluster of bubbles is quickly rushing towards you.

“Uh-oh,” he says, his voice a pitch higher than normal.