The Black Winter

Chapter 49

Joan's pov
"Joan? Are you ok?" Steve asks.

I just keep my gaze to the floor. What if they say something? What if I lose everything? What if I have a dream and they say it? What if I can't keep the voices under control and they take over my mind? What, what if I kill James? What if I kill Anastasia?

"Joan?" Steve asks softly, bending down to my level.

I look up to him and all I can think about is the hate I had for him when me and my girls were on the run. I think about how I wanted to kill him and Tony. How I wanted to kill Nat and Wanda. How I wanted everyone to die. I feel a tear roll down my cheek and hit the white, concrete floor.

"I can't help you guys anymore," I confess.

"What do you mean Joan?" James asks.

"I can't help you get the information that you need," I tell them once more.

"That's ok, we'll work it out," James says softly, kissing my forehead.

"Joan?"

I look up to see Ian standing above Steve. In his eyes, I see worry and fear.

"It'll be ok. We don't know if what he was saying is true. We can't take his word," he says.

"When has he lied to you?" I ask.

James lets me go and I stand up and walk over to Ian. I ask, "How do you know? He has never lied to me once! He told me that I was going to kill everyone. He told me that I was going to kill my parents. I did that. He told me that I was going to hurt James. I killed his family! He told me that I was going to kill you! I didn't believe him. But now look! Fucking open up your eyes Ian! I fucking killed you! I tortured your for seven fucking day the most brutal way possible! I know your scared of me! I know you all are! He is many things but a liar isn't one. Fuck you for not taking his word and listening, cause that shit will get you fucking killed again!"

"Joan, it wasn't you. I know that it wasn't you cause that's not who you are," he says.

"How do you fucking know who I am!" I yell at the top of my lungs. "No one knows who I am! I've never had the choice to make my own fucking choices! I've never had the right to be me! I would be beaten, branded, then wiped for it! How do you know who I am if I don't even know who I am!" I scream, tears streaming down my face.

I drop to my knees and the room goes silent. I quietly sob, wiping away the tears with the sleeve to my shirt. I feel a pair of arms wrap abound me and immediately I know it's James and I melt into him, sobbing.

"I don't want to be her, please. Please don't let them win. I can't take it," I sob into his chest.

He strokes my head, kissing the top of my head. "I know doll. I won't let that happen. You're safe here, your safe with me. I won't let them touch you," he says.

The door opens and I can hear little feet make their way over to me. I feel small arms wrap around me, and I can't help but feel worse at Anastasia's touch.

"It'll be ok Joan. I love you so there's no reason to be sad. Keep your chin up and your aim sharp right?"

I turn my head to look at her, and I just nod my head, my mouth not able to form the words that I wish to say. She goes to touch my cheek and then smiles softly.

"You won't hurt me Joan. I know you love me, even though you have a hard time saying it," she says softly.

Rouges pov
  John, Katie, Bobby, Carter, and I are all walking through the courtyard, books in hand. Carter is going on about how he hates Joan and how he would totally win in a fight. We all know that's not true, I just hope that he does for his sake.