[The curtain opens. Several FOX NEWSIES are gathered around a table "researching" news stories.]
[To the tune of "Carrying the Banner" from Newsies.]
ED HENRY:
Look!
UNREST IN QATAR!
ANN COULTER:
WE'LL BLAME OBAMA
ERICK ERICKSON:
NO WAY THE VIEWERS KNOW FOR SURE
TOMI LAHREN:
WE'RE BOTH AN INFO SOURCE AND DRAMA
BRIAN KILMEADE:
Not according to Hillary
FOX NEWSIES:
Who asked her?
[The rest of the FOX NEWSIES enter and prepare for their individual segments.]
SEAN HANNITY:
FROM BIBLE BELT RIGHT TO THE GREAT PLAINS THERE'S EASY PICKIN'S GUARANTEED
BEN SHAPIRO:
WE FOCUS ON THE STOCK MARKET GAINS
THANK GOD THEY'D RATHER WATCH THAN READ
TUCKER CARLSON:
IT'S A CROOKED GAME WE'RE PLAYIN',
ONE WE'LL NEVER LOSE
LONG AS DONALD TRUMP KEEPS SAYIN'
OTHERS ARE FAKE NEWS
FOX NEWSIES:
AIN'T IT A FINE LIFE FABRICATING STORIES THROUGH IT ALL
A MIGHTY FINE LIFE FABRICATING STORIES TOUGH AND TALL
WHEN THE SHOW STARTS
ONE THINGS THAT'S OF COURSE IS
WE COME OUT LIKE FORCES
SURE BEATS VETTING SOURCES
WHAT A FINE LIFE FABRICATING STORIES HOME FREE ALL
NEIL CAVUTO:
Well, if it isn't Bill O'Reilly. I thought you were old news.
BILL O'REILLY:
No, I'm not gonna let that "me too" culture cancel me.
NEIL CAVUTO:
He's back. Talk about the enemy of political correctness.
BILL O' REILLY:
The media would never get rid of me. I got personality.
IT TAKES A SMILE THAT SPREADS LIKE BUTTER
THE KIND THAT TURNS A LADY'S HEAD
STEVE DOOCY:
IT TAKES JOE BIDEN'S AWFUL STUTTER
JEANINE PIRRO:
HE'S LOST HIS MIND –
CANDANCE OWENS:
It's true–
AINSLEY EARHARDT:
Vote red!
FOX NEWSIES:
SUMMER'S HOT AND WINTER'S FREEZIN' IF YOU CHECK OUTDOORS
GLOBAL WARMING HAS NO REASON, 'CEPT CLOSING DOWN STORES
YOU ARE READING
Unauthorized GOP Cabaret Night
HumorIt's the summer of 2020. What's there for Fox News to do besides host a large, crowded concert? A satirical revue style show featuring parodies of musical theatre songs from the perspective of the GOP Senators.
