[MITCH MCCONNELL and RAND PAUL exit and TUCKER CARLSON walks back across the stage holding a sign that says "Preset Day". A spotlight shines on BEN SASSE.]
[To the tune of "Diva's Lament" from Spamalot.]
BEN SASSE:
WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO MY BRAND?
THE ONE THEY THOUGHT MIGHT TAKE A STAND
NOW THEY'RE LEARNING THAT'S NOT TRUE
AND I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'VE PREENED MY IMAGE FAR TOO LONG
I WON'T LET PEOPLE SAY I'M WRONG
SOME HAVE CALLED ME TO RESIGN
ABOUT MY COMMENTS ON CHINA
WHY DOES NOBODY SEEM TO UNDERSTAND
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO MY BRAND?
I FEEL STUCK IN MY CAREER
HOW DO I MOVE UP FROM HERE
UP FROM HERE, I MUST GET THERE BY ALL MEANS
I'VE NO THANKS AND NO REWARDS
I'VE NO NOBEL AWARDS
I'M CONSTANTLY CALLED OUT BY COLLEGE TEENS,
COLLEGE TEENS
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO MY BRAND?
THIS RESISTANCE WAS SURE NOT PLANNED
I'M JUST A SIMPLE FARMER BOY
AND ALSO FREMONT'S PRIDE AND JOY
BUT NOW THEY'RE STARTING TO INSULT
THIS SCHOLAR GENIUS TRUE ADULT
MORE WAGES FOR FRY COOKS?
DON'T THEY KNOW I WROTE TWO BOOKS
IT SEEMS TO ME THEY'VE OVERPLAYED THEIR HAND
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO MY
I went to Harvard damn it!
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO MY
Not yours! Not yours!
BY MY,
BRAND!
YOU ARE READING
Unauthorized GOP Cabaret Night
HumorIt's the summer of 2020. What's there for Fox News to do besides host a large, crowded concert? A satirical revue style show featuring parodies of musical theatre songs from the perspective of the GOP Senators.
