[The GOP SENATORS exit, happily laughing, while the FOX NEWSIES (minus BILL O'REILLY) enter onstage. They are all wearing blue wigs pretending to be "stereotypical liberals on twitter". They say their lines in a mocking voice while typing on their phones.]
MEGYN KELLY:
Mitch McConnell wants to deny stimulus relief to hard working Americans.
LAUREN GREEN:
Mitch McConnell is trying to steal the Supreme Court.
STEVE DOOCY:
Mitch McConnell would let corporations kill you without consequences.
GRETCHEN CARLSON:
Mitch McConnell is endangering his constituents.
BRIAN KILMEADE:
Mitch McConnell wants to cut social security.
CANDACE OWENS:
Mitch McConnell is circumventing the will of the people.
BEN SHAPIRO:
Mitch McConnell is destroying democracy.
AINSLEY EARHARDT:
Mitch McConnell is owned by big oil.
TOMI LARHEN:
Mitch McConnell is owned by the NRA.
ANN COULTER:
Mitch McConnell is a racist.
LAURA INGRAHAM:
Mitch McConnell is a partisan hack.
JEANINE PIRRO:
Mitch McConnell is a Russian asset.
SEAN HANNITY:
Mitch McConnell is a pathetic coward.
TUCKER CARLSON:
Mitch McConnell is a cartoon movie villain.
[Each of the FOX NEWSIES repeats their individual line, overlapping each other and circling around the center of the stage until they eventually exit during the next song. A cacophony of chaos until a piano note is heard. The lights go out before a spotlight reveals BILL O'REILLY at a piano with MITCH MCCONNELL laying on top of it like a nightclub singer.]
[To the tune of "There are Worse Things I Could Do" from Grease.]
MITCH MCCONNELL:
THERE ARE WORSE THINGS I COULD DO
THAN COVER UP A CRIME OR TWO
THOUGH THE LIBERALS IN THE HOUSE
THINK I'M SPINELESS AND A LOUSE
I SUPPOSE IT COULD BE TRUE
BUT THERE ARE WORSE THINGS I COULD DO
I COULD ACCEPT ALL THE GAYS
IGNORE ALL CHRISTIAN MORES
GIVE UP MANDATED SCHOOL PRAYER
SAY VACCINES ARE BETTER CARE
LIKE SOME SCIENTIFIC SHREW
THAT'S A THING I'D NEVER DO
I COULD START SOME PETTY FIGHTS
TRY TO HELP WITH CIVIL RIGHTS
GIVE ALL CITIZENS A VOICE
EACH VOTE AN EQUAL CHOICE
WHY THAT'S PRACTICALLY A COUP
I COULD TAX SOMEONE LIKE ME
OUT OF CARE OR EMPATHY
SO WE CHEAT, EXPLOIT, AND LIE
WHY SHOULD COMMIES SUCK US DRY
IN FACT I'LL BET YOU NEVER KNEW
THAT TO DECREASE REVENUE
THAT'S THE WORST THING I COULD DO
YOU ARE READING
Unauthorized GOP Cabaret Night
HumorIt's the summer of 2020. What's there for Fox News to do besides host a large, crowded concert? A satirical revue style show featuring parodies of musical theatre songs from the perspective of the GOP Senators.
