[The GOP WOMEN dance offstage as the GOP MEN enter]
JOHN BARASSO:
That was nice ladies, but now let's have the men show you how it's done.
TOM COTTON:
That is if we don't get canceled first.
[The GOP MEN groan.]
RAND PAUL:
(Shouting) The left is always trying to silence us!
RICK SCOTT:
It's so hard to have your voice heard when you're a wealthy, powerful white guy.
JOSH HAWLEY:
Nobody understands what we have to go through.
[To the tune of "It's the Hard Knock Life" from Annie.]
GOP MEN:
IT'S THE HARD-KNOCK LIFE FOR US!
IT'S THE HARD-KNOCK LIFE FOR US!
TODD YOUNG:
'STEADA TRANQUIL
GOP MEN:
UNRELAXED
MIKE BRAUN:
'STEADA GOOD PAY
GOP MEN:
WE GET TAXED!
IT'S THE HARD-KNOCK LIFE!
THERE'S A MYTH OF PRIVILEGE, SO,
IT'S THE HARD-KNOCK ROW WE HOE!
LINDSEY GRAHAM:
DUE TO VOTERS
GOP MEN:
WE ARE STRESSED!
BEN SASSE:
'CAUSE THEY DON'T SEE
GOP MEN:
WE'RE OPPRESSED
IT'S THE HARD-KNOCK LIFE!
TED CRUZ:
DON'T IT FEEL LIKE THE LEFT IS ALWAYS HOWLIN'?
JOHN BOOZMAN & TOM COTTON:
DON'T IT SEEM LIKE THERE'S NEVER ANY LIGHT!
PAT ROBERTS & JERRY MORAN:
ONCE A DAY, DON'T YOU WANNA THROW THE TOWEL IN?
MARCO RUBIO & RICK SCOTT:
IT CAN'T BE DONE WHEN YOU'RE CONVINCED YOU'RE RIGHT
RON JOHNSON:
NO ONE CARES WHEN YOUNG WOMEN THINK YOU'RE CREEPY!
JOSH HAWLEY:
NO ONE CARES WHEN YOU POINT OUT SHE'S A WHORE!
RAND PAUL:
NO ONE CARES THAT THE LEFT IS ACTING SHEEPY!
GOP MEN:
ALL THIS PRESSURE FEELS LIKE 1984
OHHHH!!!!!!!
PC VULTURE LIFE!
CANCEL CULTURE LIFE!
NO MORE BRIGHTNESS LIFE!
JUDGED FOR WHITENESS LIFE!
MIKE ROUNDS:
SANTA CLAUS, NO MORE WE'LL SEE
KEVIN CRAMER:
SANTA CLAUS, NOW A BLACK "SHE"
GOP MEN:
DEMOCRATS ARE NOT A FAN
WHEN YOU ARE A RICH WHITE MAN!
IT'S THE HARD KNOCK LIFE!
[MARSHA BLACKBURN marches across the stage posing as Hillary Clinton, shouting scare phrases.]
MARSHA BLACKBURN:
Marginal Tax Rates! Reparations! Down with the 1%! Communism!
GOP MEN:
JUDGED FOR COLOR OF OUR SKIN
BAKING CAKES FOR THOSE WHO SIN
SUCH A CHANGE FROM HOW IT'S BEEN
THIS IS NOT AMERICAN!
IT'S THE HARD-KNOCK LIFE FOR US
DEMOCRATS ARE NOT A FAN
WHEN YOU ARE A RICH WHITE MAN!
IT'S THE HARD-KNOCK LIFE
IT'S THE HARD-KNOCK LIFE
IT'S THE HARD-KNOCK LIFE!
YOU ARE READING
Unauthorized GOP Cabaret Night
HumorIt's the summer of 2020. What's there for Fox News to do besides host a large, crowded concert? A satirical revue style show featuring parodies of musical theatre songs from the perspective of the GOP Senators.
