[DEB FISCHER enters]
DEB FISCHER:
Now I love guns just as much as the next patriot, but you boys know that's not the only thing that makes this country free. Why capitalism gives us a choice in our health insurance, instead of that scary socialist healthcare. Without a multitude of for profit health insurance companies, all of our citizens would be lazy freeloaders—(exaggerated aside) instead of just the liberal ones.
In every job that deals with health
There is an element of wealth
[To the tune of "Spoonful of Sugar" from Mary Poppins.]
YOU FIND THE DOUGH AND SNAP!
YOUR CARE'S A GAME
AND EV'RY TEST--BOTH SMALL AND LARGE
GETS ADDED TO YOUR CHARGE
A COST! A FEE! IT'S VERY CLEAR TO SEE THAT
A HIGH MONTHLY PREMIUM HELPS THE MEDICINE GO DOWN
THE MEDICINE GO DOWN-WOWN
THE MEDICINE GO DOWN
JUST A HIGH MONTHLY PREMIUM HELPS THE MEDICINE GO DOWN
IN THE MOST DELIGHTFUL WAY
See here:
AN AGENT WORKING ON HIS QUEST
HAS VERY LITTLE TIME TO REST
WHILE HE REVIEWS AND THEN DENIES THE CLAIMS
THOUGH SOME WILL SAY THAT IT'S UNFAIR
BUT THAT'S AMERICAN HEALTHCARE
HE KNOWS LOAN SHARKS WILL KEEP OUT KARL MARX
[The rest of the GOP SENATORS enter and act as the CHORUS, some are holding large handmade signs with various health insurance company logos on them.]
ALL:
FOR A DISPROPORTIONATE COPAY HELPS THE MEDICINE GO DOWN-WOWN
THE MEDICINE GO DOWN
JUST A DISPROPORTIONATE COPAY HELPS THE MEDICINE GO DOWN
IN THE MOST DELIGHTFUL WAY
[The CHORUS dances with their homemade logos.]
DEB FISCHER:
Let's have a big thanks to our sponsors: UnitedHealth! Blue Cross Blue Shield! Aetna! Cigna! Humana! Centene! Kaiser Permanente! Molina! Elevance! Aflac! Don't you love the freedom of choice?
THE PATIENTS SEEKING OUT APPOINTMENTS
FROM ANY DOCTOR IN TOWN
NEVER STOP TO THINK HOW THEY SHOULD INSTEAD SAVE
BECAUSE THE ILLNESS THAT THEY BRING
ALAS IT WAS PRE-EXISTING
(Small laugh) There's no tricking insurance companies!
DEB FISCHER: (BEN SASSE)
AND HENCE (AND HENCE),
THEY FIND (THEY FIND)
THEIR CLAIM HAS BEEN DECLINED
DEB FISCHER:
FOR A 10K DEDUCTIBLE HELPS THE MEDICINE GO DOWN
THE MEDICINE GO DOWN
THE MEDICINE GO DOWN
DEB FISCHER & BEN SASSE:
JUST A 10K DEDUCTIBLE HELPS THE MEDICINE GO DOWN
IN THE MOST DELIGHTFUL WAY
JOHN KENNEDY:
SO JUST A HIGH MONTHLY PREMIUM HELPS THE MEDICINE GO DOWN
RICHARD SHELBY:
THE MEDICINE GO DOWN
DEB FISCHER:
THE MEDICINE GO DOWN
ALL:
JUST A HIGH MONTHLY PREMIUM THE MEDICINE GO DOWN
DEB FISCHER:
IN THE MOST DELIGHTFUL WAY
ALL:
IN THE MOST DELIGHTFUL WAY
FOR A HIGH MONTHLY PREMIUM HELPS THE MEDICINE GO DOWN
THE MEDICINE GO DOWN
MEDICINE GO DOWN
JUST A HIGH MONTHLY PREMIUM THE MEDICINE GO DOWN
IN THE MOST DELIGHTFUL WAY
DEB FISCHER:
IN THE MOST DELIGHTFUL WAY
ALL:
IN THE MOST DELIGHTFUL WAY
YOU ARE READING
Unauthorized GOP Cabaret Night
HumorIt's the summer of 2020. What's there for Fox News to do besides host a large, crowded concert? A satirical revue style show featuring parodies of musical theatre songs from the perspective of the GOP Senators.
