[BEN SASSE exits, looking angry and forlorn. MARCO RUBIO enters holding a portrait of Ronald Reagan and an easel, followed by the FEMALE FOX NEWSIES who will serve as his CHORUS. MARCO RUBIO sets up the easel with the portrait of Ronald Reagan.]
MARCO RUBIO:
Kneeling football players, abortions, gay people. (A beat) And I'm not talking about men with a very heterosexual adoration type of love for their hero. No, I'm talking about unholy smut. (A beat) And now there's stimulus checks and mask mandates. (Sighs) What is this world coming to? (Looks at the portrait of Ronald Reagean) If only you were still here. You'd know what to do.
[To the tune of "Freddy My Love" from Grease.]
MARCO RUBIO: (CHORUS)
REAGAN MY LOVE, I MISS YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY
(AH, AH, AH, AH)
REAGAN MY LOVE, THIS COUNTRY'S BEEN IN DISARRAY
(OH, YEAH OOH, OOH)
THINKING OF YOU CAN MAKE THE DAY SO MUCH BETTER
KEEPING YOUR POLICIES RIGHT DOWN TO THE LETTER
I'LL ALWAYS VOTE TO BE A STAGNANT WAGE SETTER
MARCO RUBIO & CHORUS:
REAGAN MY LOVE
REAGAN MY LOVE
REAGAN MY LOVE
MARCO RUBIO: (CHORUS)
REAGAN YOU KNOW, YOUR ABSENCE MAKES ME FEEL SO BLUE
(SO OH OH BLUE)
THAT'S OKAY THOUGH, NEW TAX CUTS MAKE ME THINK OF YOU
(SURE THEY DO, OOH OOH)
GOVERNMENT SPENDING HAS BECOME REALLY SCARY
FOOD STAMPS AND MEDICAID ARE NOT NECESSARY
BUT "TRICKLE DOWN", OH THAT WAS SO VISIONARY
MARCO RUBIO & CHORUS:
REAGAN MY LOVE
REAGAN MY LOVE
REAGAN MY LOVE
REAGAN MY LOVE
MARCO RUBIO:
WE NEED YOUR CHRISTIAN GUIDANCE
OUR FREEDOM'S ON THE LINE
BIG GOV. WANTS MASK ABIDANCE,
BUT I KNOW THAT'S NOT FINE
THESE MANDATES ARE EXTENDING
THIS TYRANNY'S NOT ENDING
BUT I MUST STAY UNBENDING
I'M DEFENDING WHAT IS MINE
AND YOURS
MARCO RUBIO: (CHORUS)
REAGAN YOU'LL SEE
I'LL RESTORE YOUR COUNTRY SOMEDAY
(REAGAN MY LOVE)
AND THAT WILL BE ONCE ALL THE COMMIES GO AWAY
(REAGAN, NO MORE, OH YEAH)
ONCE THEIR IDEALS NO LONGER HAVE A LEG IN
WE'LL HAVE A PARTY AND HAVE BRETT BRING A KEG IN
AND JUST IGNORE ALL OF THE POOR PEOPLE BEGGIN'
REAGAN MY LOVE
CHORUS: (MARCO RUBIO)
REAGAN MY LOVE
REAGAN MY LOVE
REAGAN MY LOVE (REAGAN MY LOVE)
REAGAN MY LOVE
REAGAN MY LOVE
REAGAN MY LOVE (REAGAN MY LOVE)
REAGAN MY LOVE
REAGAN MY LOVE
REAGAN MY LOVE
MARCO RUBIO:
REAGAN MY LOVE
[The lights go out and MARCO RUBIO and the CHORUS exit with the Ronald Reagan portrait.]
YOU ARE READING
Unauthorized GOP Cabaret Night
HumorIt's the summer of 2020. What's there for Fox News to do besides host a large, crowded concert? A satirical revue style show featuring parodies of musical theatre songs from the perspective of the GOP Senators.
