S3.EP9 The Vengeance Formulation

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Outside an apartment building.

Howard: So two years later, there's a knock on the door, the guy opens it, and there on his porch is the snail, who says, "What the heck was all that about?"

Bernadette: I don't really get it.

Howard: Well, see, it took two years for the snail to... (she kisses him) not important.

Bernadette: Can I ask you a question?

Howard: Sure.

Bernadette: Where do you think this is going?

Howard: To be honest, I was hoping at least second base.

Bernadette: You're so funny. You're like a stand-up comedian.

Howard: A Jewish stand-up comedian, that'd be new.

Bernadette: Actually, I think a lot of them are Jewish.

Howard: No, I was just... never mind.

Bernadette: Look, Howard, this is our third date and we both know what that means.

Howard: We do?

Bernadette: Sex.

Howard: You're kidding.

Bernadette: But I need to know whether you're looking for a relationship or a one-night stand.

Howard: Okay, just to be clear, there's only one correct answer, right? It's not like chicken or fish on an airplane?

Bernadette: Maybe you need to think about it a little.

Howard: You know, it's not unheard of for a one-night stand to turn into a relationship.

Bernadette: Call me when you figure it out.

Bernadette leaves as Howard was left pondering.

Howard: Three dates means sex? Who knew?

The 4A apartment.

Howard: Greetings, homies, homette.

Penny: Why are you back from your date so early?

Howard: In romance, as in show business, always leave them wanting more.

Penny: What exactly does that mean?

Leonard: He struck out.

The university cafeteria.

Howard: Hey, did either of you guys know that three dates with the same woman is the threshold for sex?

Raj: Actually, I've never had three dates with the same woman.

Leonard: With Penny and me, it took two years. Now that I think about it, that was three dates.

They all look to Y/N.

Y/N: What are you looking at me for?

Howard: Your Caltech's resident casanova. How many dates till you had Sex with Missy?

Y/N: No, I'm not and I'm not telling you the last bit.

Raj, Leonard: You kind of are.

Y/N: Fine, for Missy we started dating when we were eleven. And it took three dates before we kissed. But like thirty till we started doing other oral stuff and that's when we were like fourteen.

Howard: So how long did it take to sleep with her?

Y/N: We only had sex for the first time two years ago.

Howard: (To Leonard) Okay, well, before you and Penny hooked up, did she ask for any kind of commitment?

Leonard: No, she was pretty clear about wanting to keep her options open.

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