Stuff I write

My dear friend, my muse

February 17, 2021. 4:11 AM

I was stopped by lack of beauty.
I wished nothing but to see him again
Feel happy and childish again

But my departure had granted me nothing but disadvantaged looks
I felt worthless, below any other that existed.

It reeked through my carcass
The fact that I had become nothing
Depressed and uninteresting
And he had become beautiful, wise and hardworking.

I was only shame and deception
Disappointment and sadness
I had no words of mine to greet anyone
I had only fear and pain.

Meeting eyes with him was a challenge
And fearful me wouldn't dare to try it
Fearful me would never talk to him
For over a decade.

Fearful me didn't know how much of him I was missing
How much of him I was loosing

Solitary me was never brave enough
Solitary me was always shy and fearful
Solitary me would never take a bus to go see him for fear of getting lost
But he was getting lost inside a motionless and painful life, without possibility of escaping.

I let him suffer even when I had the chance to offer my aid
But I, solitary, shy, was never brave enough to offer my love to him.