4 Misunderstood

15.

Flau'jae
Location: Chicago

Nees called me when they practice was over asking me to cook dinner for her. I only agreed cause I needed to eat a good meal after my workout too. Based on the way her fridge looked I know she be eating good so whatever she wanted me to cook was gone be a good ass meal.

I thought.

I don't know what chef she think I am but to ask me to make her a steak last minute. I could actually riot right now but thats massa so I digress.

I was in Angel's home gym finishing up my last set of deadlifts when Angel came in, looking tired as hell but it was like a cute tired.

She just let me know that she was back and the groceries were getting delivered before she left. I finished my set and stretched when I realized I was drenched in sweat and didn't have a towel.

I went in her room after I yelled her name. We ended up bumping in to each other as she was coming out the bathroom trying to put her robe on. She didn't have a single piece of clothing on and I had caught her by her waist.

I can feel the blood rushing down there already.

I know I said I wasn't gone have sex with her until we talked but god didn't put me in this position to fumble it. amen.

Plus, she's so beautiful how could I resist?

That kinda make me sound like an asshole but it's not that.

While she was at practice I had time to get my thoughts together.

I can't be mad at her for not wanting to talk. I'm not afraid to scream off a rooftop that she's the only one I could ever want but she might be. I know that the feelings talk may have been too soon for her and that's okay.

My problem is she could say things like "It was never a home in the first place" but call me on her birthday cause she wants to me take her home at the end of the night. I just feel like if you know you want to fuck me, you know how you feel about me.

She talks about protecting her feelings but what about mine? I can't allow myself to have sex with somebody i'm in love with not knowing if this is just gone be a quick fuck or it's going to be something more, something real.

I gotta do what's best for my feelings just like she doing what's best for hers. I can't allow her to play with me, how she did before. I'm not gone minimize the pain I caused her but at least she knew, she knew exactly why our relationship fell apart.

I never did, until today.

I had to deal with not having closure but was stuck seeing her face everywhere cause she's a star, always will be.

I had to deal with the thoughts like "Why am I not good enough?" "Why couldn't I get an explanation?" and dealing with the what if's.

I don't wish that pain on anybody.

But at the end of the day I overcame it and I made myself better, made myself whole again, found peace with her decision to block me and still love her.

I know i'm wrong for entertaining Kysre but it's just cause I need Angel to see that this is not a game to me and it never will be. I'm wrong as hell for letting Kysre even top me and I regret it everyday.

I want to tell Angel cause that's her teammate and cause I know she think i'm doing something with her but I put it on my life that was a one time thing.

I haven't talked to or seen that girl since then. I'm really not understanding why she pressed about it cause she got Dijonai but okay.

We should've talked before things escalated.