a Story

a Story XX

August 9th 2024:

She said she read the parts, less than a week after they were published. And yes we haven't been talking much since last time, just checking on the schools she can get into, that's all. But strangely, her cousin is now back home, and I guess she is too since she can't stay there if he is not, I think it is their house after all. She was indeed busy, but still, I don't get it. I really don't get women, even close ones. 

I was mistaken, he is not back home. Damn, my thought process is scary, overthinking is scary, just because two strange events, I managed to fill too many holes with a version that might explain the rest of the story. I am scared of myself, my brain is not capable of accepting incomplete reality, it will keep on completing the puzzle, the worst way possible if needed.

August 10th 2024:

My friend is helping me right now with my social problems, we talk with people on discord servers, I appreciate his help, and we are killing boredom during this summer, it feels good. I don't think I will talk too much with friends in that summer house, I'd rather swim alone in the morning and enjoy myself than having to talk to them, it's better for me, rather stay alone.

We met with an American guy, a sane guy, not those that literally got brain-rot, and he explained so many things about the life there, it felt like we are actually communicating, those conversations did make me feel like I am learning something new again, something interesting, like when I was a child, this curiosity I had back then suddenly came back, I do feel alive again.

August 12th 2024:

My brain stopped working, I can't complete any tasks, I can't work, I can't think correctly, I feel drained, tired. I wish I could go kart-racing tomorrow, I guess driving is indeed the thing that relieves us, going fast, really fast, until time is up. But I think it won't be likely, father will not agree, and I will be stuck here, with this mental pain increasing as hours go by.

August 14th 2024:

We came to the vacation house yesterday, I helped a bit with the house, and then went working. I walked for a bit, met old friends, I didn't want to honestly, I just wanted to keep walking alone with music in my ears. And right here, I wanted to be alone, because I wanted to forget everything, just walking, listening to music, and feeling better.

August 16th 2024:

I don't understand how they can't listen to a word I am saying, I told them that my ears hurt when I went swimming, which has never happened before, then they gave me answers like "swim like the others", or "you don't want to swim anymore?", do they not get it? I am not giving excuses, it really hurt a lot as if someone dug into my ear, and instead of helping or looking for a good solution so that it never happens again, they keep blaming me. And when I get angry about this, I am the bad guy, since I yell and people can't hear anything because people only watch us, we are their target. This logic is basically narcissism and paranoia. I need help, searching for a solution, not being an asshole and making me a liar because you don't know what's happening to me.

August 17th 2024:

My sister turned against me, again. While I was working on my computer, she kept talking about some game, and each damn time I told her to not talk about it because that game is a waste of time for her, she has an important exam to prepare for. And no matter how many times I told her to stop, she keeps talking and playing that game, so I was slowly getting angry. Then, she spilled water on the table, close to my computer, and wetting many important documents I am using, when I told her to get out, she started yelling, my aunt came in, calmed the situation, but neither of us will talk to the other. After a while, I took a bit of rest and started playing, and she did the same thing, and when my aunt came to check on us, she told my sister, who has been playing for hours now, to go back to studying or help with the chores, and instead of stopping, she said "he is playing too", and made my aunt lose trust in me. I wonder now if my sister deserves any sacrifice I did until now, because situations like those happened a lot, and now I am sick of it, she either stops or she will make everyone her enemy, and right now many family members see her as an arrogant kid, if she is planning on making me her enemy, she must be crazy.

The adult world is so fucked up, you can't even say hello back? And laughing afterwards with your neighbors? What's wrong with all of you? I should have burned down everything when I had the chance, this feeling is making the hatred grow bigger, if I do not calm down right now I might hurt someone. I'd better contain my anger, I'd kill someone at this rate.