My Incognito HeartBreaker

Chapter 30

Helena is uncomfortable as heck. Hindi niya alam kung paano kikilos around Paolo kaya she remained steady and quiet no matter how many times Paolo attempted to break the silence hanggang sa makarating na sila restaurant. Nahalata rin naman ito eventually ng binata, and he decided not to force her to react or to speak anymore. Hindi naman niya nakakalimutan na hindi naging maayos ang pinakahuli nilang pag-uusap, because of a mistake that he totally owns. He acknowledges that they couldn't have ended up in this cumbersome situation if he had been able to send his message across properly. His recent career blunder humbled him somehow, making him realize that he is not the center of the universe. His innate intelligence does not guarantee that he'll always make the wisest decisions. And that his cockiness over anything, most especially towards Helena, is a real personal issue that he needs to overcome to be able to upgrade to a better version of himself.

"Anong gusto mo, Helena?" Paolo asked while browsing the menu.

"I'm not hungry. Coffee na lang siguro."

"I'll get the same, then." Sinenyasan naman agad nito ang naka standby na crew and politely communicated their order.

"Kumusta ka na?" Si Paolo, after the crew left.

"Ok naman." Matipid na sagot ni Helena. Lumilinga-linga ito sa paligid to avoid eye contact with Paolo who is right in front of her.

"Last year mo na ba sa this school year?"

"Yes."

Since Paolo's every attempt to begin a flowing conversation is constantly occluded by Helena's short and dead-ended response, siya na ngayon ang unti-unting nakakaramdam ng awkwardness sa presence ni Helena.

"By the way, I heard you returned all my presents?"

Tinaasan siya ng kilay ni Helena, "heard?"

"I haven't been to my parents' house yet. My brother told me you dropped them off there, so..."

"Why not?"

"Why not, what?"

"Why haven't you visited your parents' house?"

Hindi kaagad nakasagot si Paolo. Napatikhim naman siya sa pagkailang nang for the first time ay tinititigan siya nang diretso sa mga mata ni Helena. He took advantage of the return of the crew who brought their coffee, to delay his response for a little bit.

"I just haven't had a chance ye—"

"I'm sorry if I cannot grasp where you are coming from." Matigas na wika ng dalaga, "ako kasi, ilang oras ko lang na hindi ko makita ang isa sa family ko, nami-miss ko na sila. Hindi ko kayang mawalan ng communication sa kanila na hihigit pa sa eight hours a day. Hindi ko maatim na nagwoworry ang parents ko sa 'kin. Hindi ko kayang tiisin na hindi sila kukumustahin within the day kahit na araw-araw naman kaming magkakasama. I am not judging you, all I saying is our priorities and perspective in life are obviously the polar opposites." Dirediretsong pagsasalita ni Helena that made Paolo's jaws drop. "I don't know what your intentions are for inviting me here today, but whatever it is, I hope it has nothing to do with our last conversation because I have already went past that. I completely understood what you meant, and I respect your standpoint, so I am also hoping the same respect from you with my decision to have not anything to do with a person who cannot empathically relate and connect with his own family who loves and cared for him dearly. I understand that you know I had a little crush on you before, and I truly believe that, that's the reason why you have played along with it by giving me all these presents that has no meaning. It honestly made me feel you were attempting to buy me with them which is kind of insulting. So, I want to take this opportunity to say that, I am no longer the same young girl you know. I no longer have a crush on you. I am now a grown young woman who want to set my boundaries. I want to be straightforward from now on, and with all due respect, I don't want to be played by you anymore. I don't want you to give me presents, I don't want you to give me anything. If you have no intentions to connect with me at present time, then stay away from me at present time. It's all that simple. Hindi naman ako table sa isang restaurant na puwede mong ipa-reserve, dahil hindi lang naman siguro ikaw ang nag-iisang lalaki na puwedeng magkagusto sa 'kin sa mundo. I truly believe that the right guy who will value and treat me the way I want to be valued and treated is yet to come, and I want to be available for this person when that time comes. So, I am sorry if I cannot be on board with your proposal over the phone the last time we spoke, because the mere fact that you don't even want to care for me at present, only means you don't deserve a spot in my future. To sum it all up. I want you stay away from me from now on, Paolo. I seriously want you to leave me alone."

Ilang beses na sinubukang inganga ni Paolo ang bibig, pero sa haba ng sinabi ni Helena ay hindi niya alam kung alin ang una niyang sasagutin. In his mind, Helena was right. She have changed significantly for only a course of a couple of weeks. Siya na ngayon itong tila napag-iiwanan dahil sa pagkaka-stuck niya sa huli nilang pag-uusap sa telepono.

"Ahm, actually. A-ang totoo, I-I want to apologize for that stupid phone call. If it can only be reformatted so I can totally delete that particular event, I will do it in a heartbeat. H-hindi lang naman ikaw ang nagbago ng pananaw in a few weeks time. Ako rin. I acknowledge my cockiness dahil sa paglobo nitong ulo ko na hindi ko namamalayan dahil nasanay ako na lagi kong nakukuha ang mga gusto ko at naaabot ko ang mga pangarap ko nang walang kahirap-hirap. But I guess that's why the universe decided to humble me with my recent failures in almost ever aspect of my life, and unlike you, I barely recovered from it so I am taking it a stride to eventually get better. A-all I'm trying to say is...I am sorry, Helena. I do not mean to make you feel being played at. I admit my overweening behavior, but it doesn't mean that my small gestures of giving you presents doesn't not mean anything." Kahit na itinikom ni Paolo ang magkabila niyang kamao dahil sa hindi mapigilang panginginig, ay hindi naman niya nakuhang maitago ang unti-unting paglalawa ng mga luha niya sa magkabilang mata. "They mean a lot of things, actually, because each were results of my hardwork since I was a young boy with the intention to make you smile the only way I know how—"

Napahinto na sa pagsasalita si Paolo sa hindi na niya napigilang pagtulo ng kanyang mga luha. Agad niyang kinusot ang kanyang mga mata dahil imposible na rin namang maitago pa niya ito kay Helena. Nagugulat naman si Helena sa pagluha ni Paolo sa kanyang harapan, because that was the first time he saw him like that. The Paolo she knew was a vainglorious person who can't bow down or succumb to anyone.

"A-all I am saying is." Paolo tried to compose himself, "I wasn't trying to buy or insult you at all as most of them weren't even expensive or bought. The first one I gave you was a friendship bracelet made of colorful strings, which I made for you in sixth grade. Nakatago pa nga ang kapares no'n kasi sabi ko, isusuot ko lang 'yung sa 'kin kung isusuot mo rin 'yung sa 'yo." Muli na naman tumulo ang luha ni Paolo kaya agad nitong pinahid ito. "I did buy the second one, which was a pair of dangling floral earrings made of common beads na uso among young girls your age that time, out of the twenty pesos I'd earned from washing my Dad's car. The third one wasn't bought either because it was a beaded necklace I made while my Mom was doing her beadwork and Jewelry-making hobby. Thoughts of you inspired each present I gave you, so please don't say they don't have meaning. Each has meaning because I have carefully wrapped each of them with a part of my heart in it. Maybe that's why my chest feels so hollow at this point. Parang wala nang laman because the little pieces of my heart are already trapped in those boxes. I apologize if you didn't like any of them." Napayuko si Paolo upang itago ang muling pagtulo ng mga luha, pero agad din namang tumunghay nang mapunasan na ito.

Helena felt extremely moved suddenly but still managed her breath to stay composed. This is the version of Paolo that she has never seen before, and now she feels so bad for returning all those presents without even checking any of them except for the last one.

"But don't worry, Helena. I promise not to annoy you anymore." Paolo pretended to cheer up a little, "I'm not sending you any more red boxes." He faked a chuckle, "But thank you for not throwing them away. They can stay in my room in my parents' house because that's where the cocky kid who had that corny idea of crushing on someone used to live anyway. I'll stay away from you after tonight if that's what you want. But before you block me out, I want you to know that..." Muli na namang napaluha si Paolo. Pinagtitinginan na sila ng mga tao pero hindi na nito inalintana ito, "I love you, so, so much, Helena. You're the only girl I cared so much about besides my Mom and sister Pia. I'm sorry I failed to treat you well. You are now my TOTGA because of my flaws and immaturity, and because of my stupid decisions in life, we couldn't even be friends. Wherever this life may bring the both of us, I do hope and pray that you'll eventually get to forgive me for all the unpleasant things I made you feel."

***

"Ay naku Paolo!" Bulalas ni Helga. Lumabas ito ng gate habang bumababa na si Helena sa kotse ng binata. "Dito ka na mag-dinner. Nagpahanda na ako."

Bumaba rin naman ng kotse si Paolo bilang kortesiya kay Helga, "W-wag na po, Tita. Tutuloy na po ako."

Hinatak ni Helga ang binata sa braso, "kararating niyo lang aalis ka na agad. Halika na muna sa loob. Sayang naman ang ipinahanda ko, please?"

Napakamot si Paolo. Nagpapasulyap ito kay Helena na tila wala namang reaksyon. "Eh—"

"Sige na hijo!" Niyapos ni Helga ang braso nito.

"S-sige po."

[ITUTULOY]