Beyond Words

22 . Love?

Vishrut POV

Every year this day, I prefer to overwork so that I don't end up crying. Today was also supposed to be the same if it wasn't for the lady beside me, sleeping beside me.

After I unleashed all my feelings and cried, I thought she would say,
 it's ok,
don't cry,
boy don't cry

but she said completely different. She broke the hug and told me to sit. When I did she sat on my lap, cupped my face, looked into my eyes, and started

"Vishrut, We both and everyone know it's not your fault, it was a mistake that too not yours. I am not telling you not to cry over it and blame yourself. Let the tears carry away the pain and leave you with the sweetest memories of you both. 
She told you to move on and be happy, she must be watching you from up there, hoping you are going to do her what she wished for, so that she can go peacefully to heaven and you keep on blaming yourself and forgetting what is actually wanted. That's insulting her. You blaming yourself is insulting her last wish.

No one is telling you to forget her when they said move on Vishu, they always meant, that life doesn't end when your loved one leaves you, if that is it everyone will die at some point in time. You may loved her so much, may still love her. but life always gives you chances to get up and move from that point in life. That doesn't mean you are cheating on her, leaving her, erasing her from your memories. It's just that you are ready to let her go, without capturing some part of her with you. 

Only memories are yours to capture, remember, and reminisce. So let the memories be the happy ones. whenever you remember her, it's not only the sad ones, why are you letting them overpower the good ones? There are so many, enough memories for a lifetime. don't you?" I nod a lone tear slipping from my eyes. She rubbed her thumb over it and continued

"She must be very happy, to have you even for some days, then let her know that you had your best days with her by remembering them for her. She would feel peace over there only if you are happy Vishu, her peace in your hands, give it to her, she deserves it. If not for yourself, be happy for her. Hmm?" she raised her eyebrows and I nodded, she continued

"so what I say is, cry, vent it all out. I will be there with you. Ok? But when you are done, I want that happy, naughty, childish Vishrut back. Whenever you feel like crying just come and hug me, I will hug you back and rub your back saying all the good words you deserve." She turned around and laid her back on my chest, took my hands in her, and looped them around her waist.

"OK, now let me sleep, my eyes are feeling so heavy from crying and sleep. I am ordering you to sleep along with me, no funny business Mr. Vishrut." I nod and take in her appearance, messy simple braid hair, eyes red from crying, no energy left in her body, wearing my t-shirt, and a shot. By the time I came back to my senses, she slept so peacefully, so carefully laid her beside me. I also drifted into sleep admiring her. 

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"you didn't even keep them inside, Vishu. what is this irresponsible behavior towards my pineapple cake?", she is standing before you with her both hands on her waist with an angry look on her face, and as usual in my t-shirt and shorts.

"It's ok I will bring a new one today", Her face turned into one of shocked
"new one? what about this one? who can you waste food, Vishu? That too a pineapple cake", I guess this angered her even more.

"ok baba, what do you want me to do now?", I made her sit on the sofa.
"Say sorry to the cake and give it to the dog in the apartment.", she said folding her hands.
"the cake is good?", then why are you shouting? I want to continue but it's good if I ask the first one only.
"yes, it is. but it's not soft, bouncy, and melting anymore. It doesn't feel like a cake if I eat like this.", she is pouting and I want to kiss it. So I just did that.
"ok I will do that, but I want you to be ready at 5 this evening that is one hour from now. wear something normal nothing fancy", I took the cake cover and went out.