Beyond Words

31. Realise

Vishrut POV

After a Year.

Tears dwelled up in my eyes as I read the invitation in my hands, 'Adaa weds Vikram' it should be 'Adaa weds Vishrut'. But I cannot go to her when she finally moves on, she deserves to be happy, she deserves someone better than me, someone who can give her commitment.  

"You know you can still go to her right", My dad kept his hand on my shoulder. 
"I don't know how she will react.", I look at him, his looks telling me how vulnerable I look.
"It's been a year Vishrut, and now even agree that you love her. Then why don't you just go to her", he caressed my hair.
"I don't know Dad, I am afraid. She might have realized that it's easy to live without me, that I am just another man from her past. She must be in love with him, right? I don't want to ruin that for her dad, she deserves it." I wiped my tears and said "I am sleepy, good night", I moved to my room not wanting to talk. 

I looked at myself in the Vanity mirror, I could no longer see the old self, there was no shine in my eyes, no real smile on my lips. I no longer feel alive, all I feel is emptiness and numbness. The starting days without her were so painful, but I refused to cry, But the moment I realized that I love her, I lost it. I don't remember crying like that, only when I lost Piya. 

"Are you even realizing how you are living these days?"  My mom shouted on call.
"Mom I am in hospital I will call you later", But Mom being mom didn't let me.

"This is what I was saying. You are not being at home at all, not eating properly, I don't even know how many hours you are sleeping, are you even sleeping? What happened to you Veer, it's been 3 months, and it's not like we canceled the wedding both of you decided it.", How can I tell her, what I am feeling when I myself don't know what am I feeling? I miss her, I miss her so much that I wake up till the middle of the night, reminiscing about her, and our memories. Or cry myself to sleep. I could just call her and talk but I don't have an answer to her question. 'Do you love me?'.
"Mom I am going for rounds, and I will be home by 10.", I hung up on her like always do when she asks about her. No one knows why we both called off our engagement except my dad. They tried to insist but we declined telling them that it's personal. My mom still asks me if I could share it with her and she would fix everything. 

My eyes were wide open, not even a blink. I am on my childhood bed in my parent's house while they are sleeping in the next room. watching the ceiling as our memories played in front of my eyes like a CD on a loop.

"Ha", I answered to the knock at my door. 
"You weren't asleep?", I asked as my parents came to sit beside me on the bed. 

"How can we when our child is struggling to even close eyes? What happened beta(child)? you know right, your mom can solve anything.", Mom caressed my hair as I kept my head on her lap and Dad was at the edge of the bed watching me with worry in his eyes. 

"Nothing maa. just thinking about things." I know she would do anything to make sure Adaa and I get married if I tell her but I don't want Adaa to agree because of my mom.

"I should tell you something. I know that Piya was pregnant, now don't ask me how, I am a woman. And I know she wanted to tell you first, so I acted like I didn't know. I know how much their loss has affected you. You know what was the same between us? your happiness. She used to look at you the same way I look at you when you smile. I saw you when you lost her, and I am seeing you the same way now. I can't see you like this beta (child). I can talk to their parents again, just tell me." a droplet fell on my face making me face my mom, who has tears rolling down her face. 

"Mom, stop. stop... You want me happy right? how can I be happy if you cry? don't cry. ok?", I kissed her forehead and hugged her. 
"Now, you go and sleep. Don't think about all this, I am ok.", I released her after a brief moment.