Beyond Words

43. Her side of story

Vishrut POV

🎶Tere hawaale

It's 2 in the morning, and we lie beside each other, with a warm blanket covering us. The soothing music of the air, the calmness of our breath. We remained still, engulfed by the tranquility of the moment. 

Her head is on my chest, she covered herself with my shirt while I am in my shorts. My hand is her hair, playing with her hair strands, while she draws random lines with her fingers.
"Adaa", she looked up hearing my voice.

My heart skips a beat every time she looks up at me like this. Her big doe eyes straight looking into my soul, and couldn't help but keep all of myself to her. 
"How were your days in Banglore after we parted", Did I just ruin the moment? because for a second her face gave off the feeling, that I messed up again.

"Hmm, that's a long story.", she just smiled and turned her face back. But I want to know. 
"We have all the time for ourselves", I pulled her even closer.
"Only if you want to, else I can wait.", I said after getting an answer.
"It's not like that, but I might probably sound like a mad woman. You would laugh if I tell now." A small smile still plays on her lips, but it's like she is trying to mask her all emotions that are threatening to come with that smile.

"No worries, You would be mine, no matter what you are.", do I sound desperate? yes, I am. I want to know what she felt, and what she went through, I don't want to hear it from anyone, I want to see her every reaction while she expresses everything. I know have messed up, I will make it up to her, and I need to know what happened to do so.

They said people relive the memories when they share them with someone they are close to. If that's true then I want to be the one who gets to see her that side I want to heal, what I broke. 

"Where should I start with... We will start from the mornings, my mornings are nothing but an empty bed, no morning kisses, no warm mornings. Not that I am not habitual, in fact, I used to like my routine, I always loved to be alone, but you became an exception. There was no difference, not like I had to behave differently, well mannered, you were there to accept me however I was.

But when you left it did, make a huge difference, It was I left a part of myself. That used to be with me in whatever I do.
A part that used to chop whenever I cooked, or vice versa,
A part that used to fight with me to eat something healthy,
A part that used peace of my chaotic days, 
A part that used to blissful music of my silence nights.

I used to toss and turn, in my own bed, not being able to sleep. I would just stare at the ceiling, all our memories playing in the background of my head, like a broken record. Sometimes I would just wake up in the middle of the night, just because of your thoughts. 

Many thoughts used to run in my brain.
Was I not enough?
Did he move on?
Am I that easy to forget, that he didn't even call me once? he should have tried at least once, how can he not call me, just because I said so?
Does he still think of her?
Do our memories haunt him? just like they haunt me?
Does he feel the same itch when someone other than me touches him?
Does he remember when he watches a movie? 
Does he also do crazy things like I do? just so that you can feel them close. 

I couldn't help but cry myself to sleep with thoughts of inadequacy. Sometimes wear your shirt, the only memory I have of you, other than, your mobile number and pictures. Sometimes drink your favorite, ginger tea feeling your presence in it.

Whenever I have to attend something, I look back wishing you were there to help me select. 
Whenever I eat, it just reminds me of the food you cooked, it had magic in it, that just makes the taste 100 times better.
Whenever I feel tired, I close my eyes wishing you were there so that I could just hug you and feel best than I ever could.
Whenever I slip myself, I miss your scolding, 'Cupcake, how many times should I tell you to look where you are walking?
 I have told you to keep things in their place, why didn't you?'
Whenever I hear watch a movie, I just give a look to my side, wishing you were here, so that we both could comment on it.