Beyond Words

36. Suffocation

Adaa POV

"Where should I write the groom's name?", the mehendi artist who sat in front of me asked. I pointed to my wrist from where we could sense the heartbeat.
"What is the groom's name?", she asked with a polite smile.
"Vishrut", Vikram who was beside me answered moving forward to her ear so that only she could hear. I blushed but shot a glare at him and told her it was Vikram, not Vishrut. however, the constant feeling like I fooling everyone, along with myself is not leaving me. And I can feel its gravity on my heart.

The moments I spent with him in Goa rejuvenated the year-old feelings. I feel my inner child feel happy whenever I spend time with him. A whole day in Goa was awesome, and it's because of him. Whenever our bodies touch I feel the electricity pass, it just makes me lose my sanity. 

I can still feel his lips on mine from the moment I kissed him yesterday. The way his heart beat behind his ribs under my palms, his breathing stopped, and when I moved back he fell back. For a second I thought he had a heart attack and I moved my finger to his nostrils. When air from his nostril touched my fingers, I released the breath I was unknowingly holding.

A smile automatically falls on my lips whenever I think of it. Dramabazz
Mehandi designs were made on my both hands up to my forearms and up to the shin on my legs. We landed in Hyderabad at 10 and mehendi started at 1 in the afternoon. I thought Mehandi was a simple function and could take less time but it took a whole 6 hours with all the songs, dances, designs, and a bit of teasing. 

My family looks happy.
"Amma, Are you happy", we are on my bed in my room, and she is feeding me dinner. 
"of course." she smiled and continued.
"But you know, I would have been more happy, if the groom was Vishrut.", her eyes were sad.
"Maa....", my voice was a bit annoyed. No matter where I go, everyone talks about him. arg, why are they making it hard for me?
"I know you both had your reasons. But it was just a Wish, I have the right to Wish.", she continued feeding. My mom has always been a typical Indian wife in taking care of us or the house but when it comes to raising us, she always made sure we get the best behavior, not the behavior that would please others but the behavior that helps you learn things, be broad-minded. Both my parents' teachings are always from Bagawat Geetha, Mahabharat, and Ramayan.

"Why do you always take his side?", I asked as she always thought that Vishrut and I are the best pair.
"You know when you were kid, you used to run to the doorway waiting for your dad to pick you up in his arms, I saw that child when you were with him, and he has the same love in his eyes that your dad has when he picked you up. Whenever the lights were turned off in some room you used to run towards me hiding behind me, wrapping my pallu around you. And you feel all ok when I say I am there for you. I saw that trust in you for him, that care in him for you. More than all of these you were shy, only with him. I have never seen you shy at anyone except Cookie.", My mom smiled and left the room as the food was completed. And my mind went to the day I met my ex.

"It's been ringing for 5 minutes, just lift it", Veer sat beside me, while I sat with my mobile in my hand that's flashing my ex's name. 
"I can't talk, I can't even breathe if I hear his voice. No Veer, You talk to him, if he asks who are you just tell him that you are my husband", I  pushed my mobile into his hands.

"Adaa, look at me, look at me...... Ok now breathe, just breathe like I am doing, Inhale, Exhale", I looked into his eyes and tried to focus on my breathing.
"Now, listen to me. You are going to lift his call and talk to him. Ok? He is not just your past Adaa, he was your friend too, a good friend who was with you in all your good and bad times. Have -"
"And had become one of the worst nightmare, and neverending badtime.", I cut him off.

"But it wasn't intentional, you can't force someone to love you", He cupped my face,

"You have been the strong woman, Adaa, you handled everything very well, right? You handled your mental health, depression, anxiety, and panic attacks along with that you brought the whole company to the stage where it has been nominated for the best interiors in just 3 years. That too all alone. This is the last stage of healing Adaa. just set him free from your past cage. You can feel the baggage lifting, you can feel your wings again, you can go fly and find the one person, your person. Just set him free from you."