Heathens & Hold Ups (Book 2 of the Heathens Duet)

Chapter 43-Riggs

         "We're invading her privacy," I remind the two of them as they continue staring at the video playing out on Dario's computer screen. I'm surprised that Jaxson's neurotic ways haven't compelled him to clean the mess of cans and crumbs littering Dario's desk. I guess Callie takes precedence over cleanliness, not that I fault him for it.

"No different than before," Dario says, throwing a handful of fruit snacks in his mouth and chewing with his mouth open wide enough to catch flies, his eyes never moving from the screen. Some part of his body always on the move, his eyes tracking each movement on his screen or his hands speeding along the keys. I need to check in on him later. Our traumas might be different, but his is no less than mine. I would never regret a minute of what I suffered at my captor's hands if the tradeoff was him taking my place. Still, I think we've all been ignoring it because he seemed okay. Him included. The damage wasn't staring them in the face every day like the scar around my neck and my ruined voice.

That day changed us all.

"That was for her safety and ours," I rationalize. Again. "Two different things." I'm not sure who the words are intended more for. Dario and Jaxson or me.

I should have just retreated back to my room to give Kace and Callie their privacy.

I mistakenly assumed the guys and I could be productive, do some more planning. I severely underestimated their ability to focus. The sounds coming out of the speakers pierce through the silence even muted as they are. Calista's sweet voice, so needy, is a siren's call that my brothers have fallen to.

Holding myself back comes easy to me. I pride myself on my restraint. In all things. Resisting the siren call of my baby girl has been a Herculean effort. She's not ready. What I want, what I need from her takes time. Patience. The need to take care of her, to protect her, to ensure she never wants for anything, material or otherwise, is imbedded in my DNA. It's more than just how I was raised. To give Calista that, I need to be free of this bunker. This half-life I've been living.

The brief taste I teased us both with was cruel. Bending her to my will as she begged for release, my fists clench at the visceral memory.

It'll have to be enough for now. She deserves more than an echo of a man. Until Hamilton makes things right, it's all I can be.

The tides are turning though. In my bones, I can feel something coming. If only I could tell which way fate will hit me and my brothers next. They've endured so much with me, because of me that they never should have been forced to. I owe them more than I can ever repay.

I'll spend the rest of my life doing just that.

So focused on abstaining from invading Kace's long overdue conversation with Calista, I almost miss her calling out my name. The troublemakers however miss nothing, twittering like a pair of teenage girls as they grin over their shoulders at me. I make my way over, shoving Jaxson's mirthful self aside. "What was that she said? Rewind it," I bark out. Desperate for a morsel of her needy voice calling my name again.

"I thought we weren't supposed to be invading her privacy. Wasn't that what you said? How quickly the leopard changes his spots when his mate is in heat," Jaxson muses smugly. "Tell me, how even God can be tempted by such a luscious flower. Just waiting for a hand to reach out and pluck," he snaps with his fingers as he dances out of my reach. The annoyingly real embodiment of the imp on my shoulder urging me to snap.

I hate how his words conjure up an image of me doing just that, plucking at my precious baby girl's petals as she comes apart on my hand before I take her how I've been aching to. Ignoring him is the only thing I can do to keep myself in check. He's like a child, testing his boundaries and trying to spark a reaction. Positive or negative. Jaxson is an entity unto himself.