Matt Murdock (Daredevil)

Chapter 18

When he first learned about his abilities, training with Stick felt like a second chance for a family.

He thought at that time that he cared about him. But all Stick wanted was a soldier. Someone to use. He should have known, but back then he was a kid. He'd lost his father, so the fact that someone spent their time trying to help, of course he assumed it was out of care, love.

He was naive.

Maybe that's why he'd gotten better at differentiating the intentions of people through their words. He trained himself to pick it all up, those little dips and drops in octaves. He could tell when it was real, especially when there was unfiltered joy in those words. Like every time he spoke to you.

"Matt!"

His head turned at the call. He's gotten used to you stopping by the dorm.

"Sorry I'm late, I got distracted. They had gummies in the cafeteria."

He heard the crackling of the packs that you pulled out and dropped on his bed. All he could do was smile.

"I'm starting to think you love those snacks more than me."

"W-What! No, of course not!!"

He laughed at how vehemently you were denying it.

"If you had to choose between me or gummies, which would it be?"

You paused.

"I feel like that's an unfair ultimatum."

He chuckled, expecting such a reply. You grinned, moving next to him on the bed and you placed a kiss on his cheek.

"Of course I would choose you."

You hugged him, and in his mind he wondered what he could have possibly done to be this happy. Your shifting caught his attention and when he felt your hands on his cheek, he lowered his head.

"Is something wr-"

You kissed him before he could finish the question and his eyebrows lifted for a second before he was leaning in. He felt you lightly push the packets of your favorite treat off the bed, gently giving his shoulder a push as his back hit the mattress. Your thighs were now straddling him and he swallowed, a bit surprised at the sudden attack.

"S-Sorry I just..really wanted to kiss you."

There was a bashfulness in your tone and he found himself smiling. He had to remind himself that this was your first relationship. You were honest with everything, your wants and desires. It never failed to catch him off guard.

"I feel like we kiss a lot Matt, is that okay?"

Your voice sounds a bit unsure and he can't help appreciate how adorable you are like this. Always asking questions, making sure he was comfortable with everything. Maybe that's when he realized it. What actual love was supposed to feel like. It wasn't the act of exploiting a weakness, or the expectation of wanting something in return.

It was patience, a kindness of just wanting the best for the person you cared for. Protecting them, comforting them, looking after them. His head lifted and he pulled you down, smiling into the kiss when he heard the familiar thump of your heart against your chest. You practically melted against him, and when he parted, he brushed his nose against yours.

"You can kiss me as much as you want."

He could almost feel the brightness of your smile.

"Really, because if you say that I'm gonna kiss you all the time. You'll get tired of me."

He laughs.

"I don't think that's possible."

You giggled, leaning back in for more.

That's when he realized his feelings, and understood his acceptance for love. The real kind, the good kind. You were one of the most important things in his life, but like everything else that he got close to, he'd managed to ruin that too.

The weeks that you'd been gone were torture. That night you'd begged for him to leave. To get out of your sight. It killed him inside. He knew he should have been honest. He should have told you the truth. But he betrayed your trust on both sides.

Laying back on his bed, he sighed. Sometimes he could catch just a whiff of your scent on his mattress, against his pillows. It felt like torture. The more he tried to forget about it, the faster the memories plagued him. The vibration of his phone caught his attention. It was beside him on the bed. He'd long stop checking to see if you left any messages. It was clear where you stood. His only comfort was that one text when you assured him that you were okay, safe.

He reached for the device lazily, clicking the button.

"I need to see you. I'm at the apartment."

When he hears the text, his body immediately reacts. He's on his feet in seconds. He can say for a fact that he'd never moved that fast.

"The apartment.."

You were back, you came back.

He tried not to get ahead of himself. Your return could mean any number of things. Maybe you were inviting him to break it off for good. His heart clenched at the thought. If he didn't go, he could avoid it, but sooner or later he would have to face you.

With a tight grip on his cane, he headed for the door.

It was time to own up to everything.