Little Problems (Kingdom Hearts)

We're Gonna Die, then Starve?

Back in that same poorly lit room with thirteen chairs, sat only twelve figures. Their faces still can't be seen since the lighting sucks.

"So, Mr. Garden Gnome, have you captured you target?" The figure tallest figure said... evilly.

"Yeah, yeah!" Said the Garden Gnome in his Scottish accent. "Can't you hear his muffled cries coming from the closet?"

Everyone in the room quieted down and soon they could heard the faint sound of Xigbar cursing from behind the closet door.

"Hm, I see, I see," the tallest figure said. "Well, good job then, I guess. We're almost done!"

"Um, Superior," one figure said. "When can actually get real lights in this room? It's kinda dark..."

"Well, uh, we can't get lights."

"Why not?"

"Cause, uh, it makes us look more evil without them."

There was a chorus of sighs and grumbled complaints at that answer.

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"Vexen, are you sure that thing is going to work?" Xemnas said as he followed the Chilly Academic down the hallway.

Vexen rolled his eyes and felt like bitch slapping his superior. How dare he question his brilliance?! "Of course it will work!" he snapped. "This is a highly sophisticated Organization XIII detector. It can detect any member I order it to."

Now Xemnas rolled his eyes and sighed. It was silent for a few seconds, except for the faint beeping of the Organization XIII detector, until another question popped in Xemnas's head.

"And Vexen, why did you pair Demyx and Tansy up together? You basically just paired two people with the IQ of a six year old together."

"Well, Tansy is six, but Demyx is-"

Xemnas shot Vexen a look.

"Oh..." he said, realizing his mistake. "Whoops."

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"Superior, we haven't checked the monitors in a long time," one of the smaller figures in the poorly lit room said. "Shouldn't we get on that?"

"Oh, I guess you're right," the Superior replied. "Alright, you go check it out then."

With a frustrated sigh, the figure stood up from her seat and tried to maneuver her way through the darkness since she was the furthest away from the only source of light in the room. The Superior checked his nails even though he could barely see them. Suddenly there was crash and a grunt which made everyone jump in surprise.

"Ow!"

"Uh, hey, are okay?" The Superior wondered after waiting a few seconds.

It was silent again.

One of the figures in the room looked over on its side and sighed.

"She tripped and fell."

"That's cause it's too damn dark!" Someone else said.

The Superior grumbled a few curses before saying, "We are NOT getting lights!"

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A few hours later, Vexen and Xemnas were still aimlessly wandering the halls of The Castle That Never Was and Xemnas's legs were just about ready to fall off.

"Did we find someone yet?" he said tiredly.

"No," Vexen said.

"Why is this castle so freaking big?"

"Because you're the one who made it that way."

"Oh."

Silence.

"Why is this castle named The Castle That Never Was in The World That Never Was? It's a real mouthful. I should change it..."

"Xemnas, you chose those names for it too."

"Oh."

The nobodies rounded the hall and stopped in their tracks when they noticed someone familiar standing before them.

Xemnas was utterly baffled and quirked an eyebrow. "Xion? I thought you were among the kidnapped!"

Vexen took a good look at her then sighed and summoned his shield. "That's not exactly Xion..." he said, putting his detector off to the side.

She hissed at them then said, "Now that I have recovered from tripping in that stupid poorly lit room, I can destroy you two! Then I'll go after Demyx and that kid!"

Then she attacked. It wasn't hard far Vexen to block the magic she was throwing at him and when he found an opening, he threw a blizzard at her, freezing her in her place.

Xemnas was surprised. She fought exactly like Xion, but didn't use a Keyblade. "Why exactly does she exist, Vexen?"

He put away his shield and stepped up to the frozen Xion clone and studied her for a second. "Well, remember when you wanted me to make a clone for Sora and I then made Xion a few months ago?"

Xemnas nodded.

"Well, the Xion we know wasn't exactly the first Xion I tried to make..."

"Oh."

"Yeah..."

Xemnas shrugged. "Let's just interrogate her so that we can find the others."

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There was another poorly lit room in The Castle That Never Was within the poorly lit room that we are now so familiar with. Except, this room wasn't exactly a room, but a closet instead. A closet with all the kidnapped members of Organization XIII stuffed inside.

"Whose foot is in my face?!" Axel said, trying to nudge the foot out of his face.

"It's probably mine," Luxord said with a sigh. "That damn spider stole my shoes."

"You poor damn thing," Larxene said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "At least you weren't dragged by your freaking hair by a fire breathing crocodile!"

"Ouch," Xion said, shuddering.

"I wouldn't exactly be whining either, Larxene," Marluxia said. "At least you're not like Roxas."

Roxas was shaking in the corner, staring into space. "T-They came inside while I was taking a shower... they only let me take a towel!"

"Dude, that really sucks," Axel said, shaking his head.

"There is no fun in this..." Xaldin muttered.

"Hey, is Saïx still out?" Axel said after a few minutes of silence.

Xion looked beside her at the Luna Diviner who was still knocked out cold and nodded. "Yeah... and he still stinks too."

"I wonder what happened," Xigbar muttered.

Then there was a loud thud on the door, making everyone jump.

"SILENCE, PRISONERS!"

Everyone then slumped and sighed.

"We're gonna die and starve," Axel said miserably.

"Die, then starve?" Luxord said, squinting his eyes at Axel.

"Shut up, just shut up," Larxene said, rubbing her temples.