Muppets x Female!Muppet!Reader

Season 1 episode 10 - Harvey Korman

Kermit: It's the Muppet show with our special guest star, Mister Harvey Korman.
(Band playing theme music)
Muppets Women: 🎶It's time to play the music🎶
🎶It's time to light the lights🎶
🎶It's time to meet the Muppets🎶
🎶On the Muppet show tonight🎶
Muppets Men: 🎶It's time to put on makeup🎶
🎶It's time to dress up right🎶
🎶It's time to raise the curtain🎶
🎶On the Muppet show tonight🎶
Fozzie: My house is so dirty. My dog buries his bones in the living room carpet. I don't understand it either.
Kermit: 🎶To introduce our guest star🎶
🎶That's what l'm here to do🎶
🎶So it really makes me happy🎶
🎶To introduce to you🎶
Mister Harvey Korman!
🎶But now let's get thing's started🎶
Muppets: 🎶On the most sensational, inspirational🎶
🎶Celebrational, Muppetational🎶
🎶This is what we call🎶
🎶The Muppets show🎶
—
Kermit walked onto the stage causing a burst of applause.
Kermit: Thank you, thank you, thank you, hello everybody and welcome to the Muppet show. Hey, we got a great show for you tonight and our special guest is one of the funniest people in the business, Harvey Korman. But right now we'd like to open the show tonight on a high note.
The trumpeter from Golgala Jubilee Jug band blew his trumpet and left the stage.
Statler: Well, that's better than opening it with a bang.
Crazy Harry: *laughs* Did somebody say "bang"? *laughs*.
Waldorf: No!
Waldorf and Statler hits him.
Crazy Harry: Lucky can't be anymore.
Waldorf finished him off.
Kermit: Hold it down up there, please. For right now, let's get things started with Dr.Teeth and Electric Mayhem.

Statler: You know, that was a great number. I've always liked pandamine.
Waldorf: That wasn't pandamine. Your hearing aid is busted again.
*interview*
Kermit: Uh hiya, l though some of you might like to know a little bit more about uh our drummer whom we affectionately refer to as Animal.
Animal: Animal, haaah.
Kermit: That's his name actually. Uh Animal like uh why don't you tell our audience, how long have you been playing the drums?
Animal: Uh... ah...
Animal didn't know what to say, so he decided to hit his head on the drum.
Animal: *Bam*.
Kermit: One.
Animal: *Bam*.
Kermit: Two.
Animal: *Bam*.
Kermit: Three.
Animal: *Bam*.
Kermit: Four.
Animal paused then hit himself on the drum one last time.
Kermit: Five.
Animal: Yeah.
Kermit: Five years.
Animal: Yeah!
Kermit: Yes, okay well, l-l guess uh your drums uh mean a great deal to you, huh?
Animal: Ah, yeah *kisses the drum x6*. Oh, nice.
Kermit: You're like more than food, l guess.
He said that drums are food.
(From what l heard while watching the Muppet show).
Kermit: How symbolic.
Animal said that it was a bad joke.
Kermit: Yeah, uh listen, l imagine you have a lot of idols uh...
Animal: Oh yeah, yeah!
Kermit: Buddy Rich.
Animal: Oh yeah, yeah!
Kermit: Gene Krupa.
Animal: Yeah! Krupa! Krupa!
Kermit: Tony Checkers.
Animal: To— Wha?
Kermit: He's our new drummer. He begins next week.
Animal literally beats the idea out of his head.
Kermit: *rose* Uh then again maybe not.
*talking houses*
House: My inside's killing me.
House 2: Oh, ulcers?
House: No, movers.
                                       *on stage*
Kermit: Ladies and gentlemen, we present now what is considered to be the most dangerous animal act in the entire world the incomparable Harvey Korman better known as Maurice the Magnificent!
Harvey Korman: *whip* Thank you, now peace. Let's be quiet. You don't know the thing goes berserk when it hears loud noises.
This made him feel disgusted.
Harvey Korman: I hate this but let's get it over with. Open the cage!
The cage was opened.
Harvey Korman: Particularly vicious this evening. What a horrible animal. But let's ask you, it's very important. Then he comes out, don't anyone scream. He'll cut us to ribbons. Shhh. Alright.
He called him and beat with a whip. Thog came out of cage.
Harvey Korman: Alright. Shh. Someone, someone checked, someone checked the first rule. I think the lady fainted.
Thog volunteered and was about to help the lady but Harvey stopped him.
Harvey Korman: No! Not you a demon! Back *whip*! I said back *whip*. Back *whip*! Back *whip*! Sit, you're demon! Sit *whip*! Over here!
Thog sat down where Harvey indicated.
Harvey Korman: Now listen to me.
Thog raised one ear.
Harvey Korman: Give me your full attention.
Thog raised second ear.
Harvey Korman: Speak! Speak, you're demon. Speak *whip*!
Thog: I hardly know that to the years.
Harvey screamed and beat with a whip.
Thog: I was rereading "Bolzack" that to at the day only in transaction.
Harvey Korman: Enough *whip*!
Thog: Hm, you're very good with that whip, Morris.
Harvey Korman: Quiet *whip*!
Thog: Morris is such a good animal trainer. He got so much patience and courage, and persistence.
Harvey Korman: Shut up *whip*! Your black hearted hell out!
Thog: And love, what a sweet man.
Harvey Korman: Get away from me! *pushed him away* Get away *whip*! Now alloy, listen to me.
Thog raised both ears.
Harvey Korman: It's the best part. I hate it but it's the best part. Listen boy, l want you to dance! Dance, you're demon *whip*! Dance!
Thog started to dancing.
Harvey Korman: Come on, dance! Move it! Dance, ballerina, dance! Move it! That's it, more lyrical, that's it.
Thog: Oh, that is really an easy trick. I wanted to ride a pony around the stage but Morris always afraid of ponies.
Harvey Korman: Come on, piece of meat, dance! Dance! Dance! Dance, you're beast!
Thog approaches him.
Harvey Korman: What are you doing? What are you doing?
Thog has him in a dance.
Harvey Korman: What are you doing? No, no. Somebody stop them. Help! Help!
Harvey screamed for help and how the "beast" had gone berserk. Thog spun him around so much that it sent Harvey into the cage which closed itself and bowed to the audience.
Thog: Thank you, thank you.
*panel discussion*
Kermit: Okay uh once again it is time to raise, wait a second, everyone. Once again it's time to raise the intellectual level of the program as we address ourselves to the topic, what is the meaning of life?
Man: Indeed.
Miss Piggy: Of course, of course.
Pig: Yes, yes.
Kermit: It's a fairly simple subject. Uh let's start off with our guest panellist Mister Harvey Korman.
Harvey Korman: I think that life is a great deal like a tennis game.
Miss Piggy: Oh no, it isn't.
Harvey Korman: *parodies a female voice* Oh yes, it is.
Miss Piggy: No, it isn't.
Harvey Korman: Yes, it is.
Miss Piggy: No, it isn't.
Harvey Korman: Yes, it is.
Miss Piggy: There's nothing like a tennis game.
Harvey Korman: In a pig's eye, it isn't.
Miss Piggy: It's a kind of slam at me?
Kermit: The ball is in your court, Harvey. The score is picked five guess nothing.
Harvey Korman: Well, it's the first time that pig scored in her life.
This offended Piggy and she wanted to beat him but she was stopped.
Kermit: Can we have a little older here, please?
The man sitting between Kermit and Piggy said, he wanted a ham and cheese sandwich.
Pig: The most insulting thing l ever heard. Listen, life is a garbage dump if you want that truth.
Harvey Korman: I think that my original analysis that life is a tennis game will stand up.
Man: Well, l'm standing up *stood up*.
Miss Piggy: Please, seat down, seat down *Man sat down*. You really think life is like a tennis game, hah?
Man: It's a pig pork?
Miss Piggy: What is that supposed to mean?
Man: Uh yeah pizza, yes l agree. Of course life like tennis games. That's a clear as the nose on your face that sub-hawker you got there.
Miss Piggy: How would like a pig knuckle said, would you?
They started arguing loudly.
Kermit: Uh please, please.
Kermit tries to calm them down.
Kermit: Can we at least get back to the issue and the issue is life?
Harvey Korman: Oh, l have the last issue of life.
Miss Piggy&Man&Kermit&Pig: What?
Harvey Korman: Before they stop publishing. It would be worth a pretty Penny.
Pig: Hey, l knew a pretty Penny. Once Penny Ferguson used to be a dancer.
Harvey Korman: I love to dance.
Pig: Hey, what are you doing after this show?
Harvey Korman: I've got a date.
Pig: Oh well.
Miss Piggy&Man&Kermit&Pig: That's life.
Kermit: Well, once again we solved the problem. Join us again next week when our subject will be is conversation a dying art.
The contestants immediately fell onto the table, except for Harvey but then stood up.
Waldorf: Hey, they can get an education watching this show.
Statler: Are we watching the same show?
*at the dance*
Classical music plays, couples dance a slow dance.
Mildred: Oh, my beloved George, even though we come from two different world. I find myself strangely attracted to you.
George: Yeah, l feel the same way.
Mildred: *gasp* You mean you're attracted to me?
George: No, to me. Weird, huh?
Pig 2: Say, how do you think l'd look on a pork pie hat?
Miss Piggy: *gasp* Oh no, you couldn't. It'd be like wearing one of our relatives.
Zoot: Hey, you want to come over to my place and listen to the Beatles?
Janice: Oh, l love their music.
Zoot: What music? I mean real beetles and some termites.
Rowlf noticed a strange couple where the man had balloon instead of a head.
Rowlf: Why does that guy have a swelled head?
Y/n: *looked at the man* Conceited, huh?
Rowlf: No, he's just got a swelled head. Look out.
The man's head exploded causing Rowlf and Y/n to flinch and his partner to scream in horror.
*backstage*
Harvey straightened his tie and walked down the stairs until he ran into Rowlf and the dog.
Rowlf: Hey Harvey, you know what we've been up all night worrying about ecology.
Dog: *barked*.
Harvey Korman: And l'm right in the middle of a show. I don't have time to worry about ecology.
Rowlf: Well, it's easy for you but if all those trees is go, we're in big trouble *leaves*.
Harvey Korman: It's really great working with dogs.
Hearing this the dog bit his hand but Harvey scared dog away.
*Electric Mayhem's number*