Muppets x Female!Muppet!Reader

Season 1 episode 23 - Kaye Ballard

Kermit: It's the Muppet show with our special guest star, Miss Kaye Ballard.
(Band playing theme music)
Muppets Women: 🎶It's time to play the music🎶
🎶It's time to light the lights🎶
🎶It's time to meet the Muppets🎶
🎶On the Muppets show tonight🎶
Muppets Men: 🎶It's time to put on makeup🎶
🎶It's time to dress up right🎶
🎶It's time to raise the curtain🎶
🎶On the Muppet show tonight🎶
Fozzie: Hey, have you heard the one about this very fat pig?
Miss Piggy: Have you heard the one about this very flat bear? Hiyah! *hit him*
Kermit: 🎶To introduce our guest star🎶
🎶That's what l'm here to do🎶
🎶So it really makes me happy🎶
🎶To introduce to you🎶
Miss Kaye Ballard!
🎶But now let's get things started🎶
Muppets: 🎶On the most sensational, inspirational🎶
🎶Celebrational, Muppetational🎶
🎶This is what we call🎶
🎶The Muppet show🎶
                                               —
Kermit walked into the stage, but slipped and stood up.
Kermit: Uh... Thank you, thank you and welcome again to the Muppet show. And our special guest star tonight is one of the funniest ladies in the business and one of the nicest, Miss Kaye Ballard. So, we think it's going to be a great show tonight and if you stick around, we think you'll agree. But right now, let's get things moving on the Muppet show.

Waldorf: Anchor! Anchor!
Statler: Hey, not so loud, they may hear you.
                                   *backstage*
Kermit is working at his desk until Floyd approaches him. Floyd touched his shoulder, which made Kermit turn around.
Floyd: Hey, Kermit.
Kermit turned to face him.
Floyd: So long, man.
Kermit: But, but Floyd, the show is on. You should be in the orchestra pit.
Floyd: Sorry, man, l'm anklin'.
Kermit: Anklin'?
Floyd: Yeah, anklin', you know, leaving. I've come to the coda, l'm using the door marked exit. Like a banana in the presence of ice cream, l intend to split.
Kermit: But, but Floyd, you can't just leave us.
Floyd: Uh... Listen, Kermit, you're a nice little dude in your own amphibian way, but l just can't take it anymore.
Kermit: But what's the matter?
Floyd: It's the theme song.
Kermit: The theme?
Floyd: *nods* Kermit, you are talking to Floyd Pepper, the hippiest of the hip. I mean, l have a room for life at the home for the chronically groovy *nods*. And every week, l have to come in here and play *hums the theme song*.
Kermit: *dances* Nice.
Floyd: It's embarrassingly square.
Kermit: Oh.
Floyd: And l don't play square.
Kermit: Yeah, but, but Floyd, none of the other musicians have complained.
Musicians enter the backstage.
Trumpeter: Drag city.
Zoot: Yeah, we're gonna beat feet.
Animal: Yeah, yeah.
Kermit: Hey, Animal, you like the theme song, don't you?
Animal: Oh, yeah! Yeah!
Floyd: No, no.
Animal: No, no *leaves*.
Floyd: Unpropathetic.
Kermit: Hey, wait a minute, Floyd, what about Kaye Ballard's big number?
Floyd: *to musicians* Hey, wait a minute! Wait a minute!
The musicians approach him.
Floyd: The dude's right. Yeah, we can't walk out on Kaye Ballard's number:
Kermit: Good.
Floyd: We'll walk out after Kaye Ballard's number.
The musicians agreed with him and returned to the orchestra pit.
Kermit: *sigh* A stay of execution. I must remember to thank the warden.
He went on stage and also slipped, and got up.
Kermit: *clears his throat* Right now, gang, it's time to meet a star, who knows her way around the song, like l know my way around the lily pad. Miss Kaye Ballard *slipped again and walked away*.